Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind;
the second is to be kind, and the third is to be kind."
-Henry James
Kindness can
be defined as "the quality of being friendly, generous, and
considerate." Tell that to a young child, however, and more than likely,
you'll get a blank stare in return. Children, elementary-school-aged and
younger, typically do not grasp abstract concepts like that of 'kindness,'
until it's presented to them more concretely and tangibly. Instead of asking a
young child, "what is kindness?" a better way to phrase such a
question could be:
What
does kindness look like?
"If you
want to lift yourself up, lift someone else up."
-Booker T. Washington
Many Hudson
Valley parents choose to define kindness by what it looks like rather than its
abstract definition. By doing this, they give their children models that they
can look to and emulate each day.
Victoria
Valencia of Wallkill has two adult children and two younger kids, aged six and
three-and-a-half. She defines kindness as being nice, having good manners, and
helping others. "It's how you treat people," she said.
Defining
kindness using child-friendly language, as Valencia does, is essential to
helping young kids develop a broader understanding of what compassion is. Many
parents won't hesitate to tell a young child to be nice, but upon further
reflection, perhaps parents should ask themselves if their child knows what
that means.
READ MORE: How to teach children lovingkindness meditation
Why
do kindness and empathy matter?
"Be
kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle."
-Plato
Jillian
Eisloeffel of Pine Bush has two teenage stepchildren and two younger kids, aged
six and five. She combines lessons on kindness with lessons on empathy, which
is a tough, yet vital concept for young children to comprehend. "Kindness
matters because everyone has their struggles," said Eisloeffel.
"Something as simple as a smile can turn someone's day around."
In the case
of Karen Teig-Morris of Walden, teaching kindness to her six and three-year-old
daughters is an essential part of daily life in her home due to her need to
help facilitate the development of her older daughter's social skills. Her
daughter has high-functioning autism. "My daughter sometimes has a tough
time seeing beyond herself," said Teig-Morris, "so we work extra hard
to remind her about how her actions affect others and how she makes others
feel."
Teaching
empathy and kindness to children
"Never
be so busy as not to think of others."
-Mother Teresa
Just like
learning to read or add and subtract, acting in a kind, empathetic manner is a
skill that typically requires both teaching and practice before achieving
mastery. And even then, there are always be more lessons learned, more growth
to be achieved, as well as making mistakes along the way. So how can parents
facilitate this learning for our children?
While character education is
typically part of the curriculum in most public schools, practicing those
social skills they learn at school in the home is almost always beneficial to a young child.
Valencia has daily discussions with
her two youngest children about the importance of kindness, using the context
of sibling rivalry to help paint a relatable picture on the importance of showing
compassion. She also models for them what caring should look like. "Even
though they love each other and are inseparable, they do constantly pester one
another," she said. "We have numerous discussions, as well as
role-playing practice about sharing, talking nicely to each other, and
apologizing when feelings get hurt."
Teig-Morris teaches her daughters
what kindness and empathy truly mean by real-world applications of both
concepts, particularly around the holiday season when children often get wrapped
up in receiving
rather than giving. "When Elf on a Shelf became popular, I felt I needed
to find a different approach," Teig-Morris said.
Enter Eowyn,
the Kindness Elf.
"Every
day after Thanksgiving, Eowyn, arrives," said Teig-Morris. "From then
until Christmas, my daughters find her each morning and read a message she
leaves that we hope will inspire them to do a good deed. Some days we donate
items to a shelter, others we make and send cards to people special to us. Some
days we use kind words or attempt to make someone laugh in some way."
Eisloeffel
teaches kindness to her children by emphasizing its importance through
questioning. For Eisloeffel, the first question she asks her daughter after
school each day isn't, "How was your day?" but instead, "How did
you show kindness at school today?" This question is often followed up
with an equally important one: "How did someone else show kindness toward
you?"
As we teach
our children to be kind to others, we cannot forget also to emphasize the
importance of expecting kindness in return. They deserve it, too!
Jill
Valentino is a wife, mom of two, elementary educator, and lifelong resident of
the Hudson Valley. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Medium
@doublesmom77.
Other articles by HVP News Reporters