One of my earliest memories is of
eavesdropping on my mother and her sisters. They were complaining about their
mother, my beloved grandmother, who was not there. They poked fun at her,
laughing secretively in the kitchen. I was probably four, maybe five.
Their jeers upset me terribly,
which is why I remember. (Though I don’t recall the specifics of their
irritation.) I walked into the room crying. I told them my grandmother “does
the best she can!” They smiled, and stopped. At least until I was out of
earshot.
As a parent myself, I now know the
eavesdropping child is a normal thing. They are innately curious, as I was (and
remain). But one of the many adjustments families have had to make during the
pandemic has been more time inside, and less privacy, which equals many more
opportunities for kids to overhear conversations not meant for them – conversations
much more serious than an elder getting on one’s nerves.
In this house, starting in March,
we spoke frequently and with great emotion about major disappointments, fears
of illness, gravely sick friends, people dying, money anxiety, terrors of
totalitarianism. You get the idea. Thankfully our homebound son is twenty-two,
and savvy, so I don’t worry that he heard something that would freak him out.
But if he were toddler-through-tween age, or even a young teen, I would be more
concerned.
READ MORE: The art of setting consequences
Writing for Parents, Sarah Cottrell advises parents to understand they may
need to simply be more mindful of little ears, and shut themselves away to have
“adult conversations.” Also, she says to lay down the law with kids, to point
out that privacy is everyone’s right, including the child’s. If they want
theirs respected, they should offer the same courtesy to parents.
She writes: “Conversations that
aren't age-appropriate may even cause anxiety in kids. Putting your proverbial
foot down and letting your kids know in no uncertain terms where the boundaries
around private and shared conversations exist is not a bad thing.”
Inevitably, of course, a child will
overhear. If they’re ready for an answer to a question brought about by
eavesdropping, they will ask it, whether a parent is ready to give an answer or
not. But ultimately, more communication, however it transpires, is a good
thing.
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