I knew my son was different when his tantrums lasted hours
at a time. I would dread waking up in the morning because I didn’t want to have
to face another day with Dylan’s defiant behavior. Each day was an all-out war
between the two of us and it was over anything and everything.
Sometimes he would yell at me because his underwear was too
high or too low and it wasn’t “right.” He wouldn’t wear sneakers because they
were too big or too small, even though he’d worn them just the day before.
Sometimes he’d spit at me because I’d send him to “time out” for telling me
hated me. Situations like these would go on every day, all day.
My husband suggested that we try parent-child interaction
therapy, a treatment program that re-establishes the relationship between
parent and child. Therapy programs like PCIT are imperative to changing the
dynamics in a household where a child has a disruptive behavioral disorder such
as ODD — oppositional defiant disorder.
READ MORE: Does your child need to be evaluated?
Kim Ellison, a counselor who specializes in PCIT at Hudson Valley Family Therapy in Highland, says, “Many parents living with children who
have disruptive, aggressive and defiant behaviors lose the opportunity to enjoy
their children. Parent-child interaction therapy helps repair the family bond
and allows parents to truly enjoy spending time with their child. Research has
proven that this is a very effective form of treatment for oppositional and
defiant children between 2 and 7 years old.”
Ellison has dedicated the last decade to providing social
services to clients in the Hudson Valley, focusing on PCIT for the last five.
She implements the PCIT approach, focusing on positive parenting skills, active
ignoring and calm, consistent limit setting. She suggests these three things to
consider when dealing with oppositional and defiant behavior:
1) Early
intervention is imperative
2) Ignore minor misbehaviors
3) In order to change
the behavior of the child and parents must first change the way they are
managing the behavior
READ MORE: Why do adolescents act the way they do?
“The most successful clients are those that recognize the
issue and start treatment early,” says Ellison. “If left untreated, these
behaviors can manifest and be precursors to issues of substance abuse, mental
illness, legal or educational problems in adolescence.”
Additionally, many families see behavioral gains as quickly
as the first phase, child-directed interaction. “Children don’t come with
manuals, and PCIT teaches parents the skills to eliminate disruptive
behaviors.”
If you think that your child could have ODD, seek help.
Early intervention can help you and your child get through the tough times and
give you the answers you so desperately need. Hudson Valley Family Therapy
offers a free behavioral consultation and free parenting tips on Facebook.
Here are six behavioral traits that stood out to me as
problematic:
1. Excessive tantrums
Do your child’s tantrums last hours and hours over something
seemingly minor, and include throwing, hitting, spitting, crying, screaming and
yelling with no end in sight?
2. Defiant behavior
Is your child doing the exact opposite of what is asked of
him, whether it is something small like brushing their teeth or something big
like not hitting?
3. Mood swings
One minute your child is happy and laughing and the next
he’s grumpy and mad. This could be over something as minute as a toy not
working the way he wanted it to.
READ MORE: Dr. Paul Schwartz discusses emotions and intelligence
4. Lack of affection
Children with ODD do not always show affection. Try not to
make a big deal about it and just move on. Relish the moments when he does give
you a hug.
5. Lack of sleep
Interrupted sleep can add to an already explosive child.
6. Aversion to praise
Children with ODD don’t always like praise. If this is the
case in your situation, find something that she does like, such as imitating
play.
Having a child with ODD is extremely difficult and can feel very isolating. Most importantly, hang in there. Don’t be too hard on
yourself as the parent and give yourself a break when you need it.
Meagan Ruffing is a freelance writer living with a
4-year-old who has ODD and a 1-year-old who tries to keep up with the circus.