Speaking to
a pre-verbal baby when they’re upset isn’t always effective. The tone of your
voice may help, and if you sing, the melody may soothe, but using words to
defuse a situation isn’t going to accomplish a lot until they’re at least two
or three. When that time comes, making a mindful adjustment to what you say and
how you say it can really help. Conversely, saying the wrong thing can, of
course, make things much worse.
The folks
at motherly.com have compiled a helpful list (see samples below) of phrases to
use on kids, from toddlers to teenagers. “Whether your child has a slow-burning
fuse or explodes like a firecracker at the slightest provocation, every child
can benefit from anger management skills,” they write. “As parents, we lay the
foundation for this skill set by governing our own emotions in the face an
angry outburst.”
Yes, there’s
that, too: how we, as parents, act and react in stressful, anger-producing
situations is crucial. Surely you, like me, have known parents who bemoan their
child’s anger management problem, wondering how it got so bad, when the parents
themselves have notoriously short fuses. These recommendations from
motherly.com can help prevent that from happening.
READ MORE: Soothing a strong-willed child
Instead
of: “Stop throwing things” try: “When
you throw your toys, I think you don't like playing with them. Is that what's
going on?”
This is
non-confrontational. According to motherly.com: “Not only does this keep the
lines of communication open, you are modeling how to phrase a situation from
your perspective, which in turn gives your child a chance to rephrase events in
his (her) perspective.”
Instead
of: “Don't be angry” try: “I
get angry too sometimes. Let's try our warrior cry to get those angry
feelings in check."
Motherly.com
writes, “A warrior cry can work to release angry energy in a playful manner.
Choose a warrior cry or mantra together with your child (think of William
Wallace from the movie Brave Heart screaming “Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!")”
Instead
of: “Stop complaining” try: “I
hear you. Can you come up with a solution?”
“This
places the responsibility back on the child,” writes Motherly.com. “Next time
your child is complaining non-stop about school/dinner/siblings, ask her to
brainstorm solutions. Remind her there are no wrong answers, and the sillier
she is, the better.”
We strongly advise you to
check out the list in its entirety. Good luck!