For
a decade, child psychologist Francyne Zeltser, Psy.D, has counseled lots of parents who are worried
about developmental and behavioral issues in their children. As a mother of two
toddlers herself, she’s even shared some of the same concerns.
She writes,
“Mostly my clients aren't sure what behaviors should raise a red flag for
them—‘Should I worry when my child does this’ or ‘Is it weird that my child
said that...’ I've heard it all.”
Dr.
Zeltser has mostly good news. “I witness first hand how parenting can affect
kids,” she writes. “Parents have a whirlwind of things to worry about, but we
just can’t worry about everything. As long as we love our children and try our
hardest to give them a happy childhood, we are doing the best we can.”
For
instance, Dr. Zeltser doesn’t worry if she’s being a good role model.
As a
working mom, she knows she won’t be able to spend nearly as much time with her
kids as she’d like, but for her quality
is more important than quantity.
“During the work day, my children are with experienced caregivers who help
teach them how to be resilient and adaptable to change. Even if you don’t go to
work, time apart from you and your partner can help teach your child autonomy
and independence.”
READ MORE: The power of good touch
Regarding
“developmental milestones,” Dr. Zeltser wants parents to relax on this issue,
and more than anything, to stop comparing their kids to other kids.
“Children
meet developmental milestones when they are ready,” she writes. “There are
ranges of what is considered appropriate and what may be considered delayed.”
As
for screen time, she echoes what many experts say: engage with your kids,
monitor their use, and employ parental controls. The iPad need not be the
devil. These days, it’s actually crucial.
What
to worry about?
If your child is unkind, if your child is unhappy, what
educational decisions you are making, and who your child’s friends are. That
last one in particular. Dr. Zeltser writes: “Focus your energy toward getting
to know your children’s friends and educating your children on how to make
good friends. Set up play dates or enroll them in extra-curricular
activities and talk to your child after the event about how he thinks it
went.”
Especially
in such an anxious age, Dr. Zeltser urges parents to realize it’s okay for a
child to be anxious, say, the night before a test. If anxiety about unspecified
issues is prolonged, however, with persistent physical symptoms, she suggests
seeking professional help. Otherwise, ease up – on both your child and
yourself.
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