Hot Topics     Home and Family    

When tickling goes too far



Research shows unwelcome tickling can be traumatic

parents, kids, tickling, unhappy, roughhousing

Tickling: Our memories of it are great if we’re the one tickling. But they’re often close to trauma if we were ticklish and remember times when the tickling seemed to go on too long.

Jenny Marder has published a piece in The New York Times that may end up shifting the ways in which we think about tickling. And like most shifts in the ways we think about our routines, a backlash is almost certain.

“Many of us have memories of being tickled in a way that made us feel annoyed, uncomfortable or even violated,” she writes, referencing Socrates description of tickling being more pain than pleasure while also noting how much her own three year old loves being tickled. “What do parents need to know? Is there a right way to tickle our kids, and what are the dangers if we get it wrong? How do we tickle without violating boundaries? And should we be tickling at all?”

Marden’s story quotes Playful Parenting author Lawrence Cohen, Ph.D. describing how tickling can overwhelm the nervous system and make children feel helpless and out of control as their reflexive laughter disguises discomfort, and even pain. Christine Harris, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of California, San Diego, and the author of six papers on the subject, calls tickling “one of the most mysterious phenomena out there” given how one cannot tickle oneself.

The bottom line: She finds that if adults aren’t extremely attentive during a tickle game, they could miss how children are truly feeling.

READ MORE: The power of good touch

The story goes on to reference the Victorian definition of two types of tickling – high-pressure, finger-in-the-ribs tickling that brings on laughter called gargalesis and light, feathery movement across the skin, called knismesis. She references several studies that show the benefits of laughter for children, and how the light tickling can be considered almost therapeutic. It’s also a way, she notes, for parents to maintain physical interaction with their kids as they grow older.

Dr. Cohen, however, notes that this is where tickling can lead to problem areas, and that there are healthier ways to connect with one’s child physically, such as pillow fighting, wrestling, and “chase and miss,” where you chase your child, and then comically pretend to miss at the last moment, grabbing a chair as if it were them. One of Dr. Cohen’s favorites is “the sock game,” which can be played with two or more people. Everyone sits on the floor in a circle, legs stretched out, wearing socks and no shoes. Then you count to three and try to pull everyone’s socks off while keeping your own socks on.

“You’re looking for intensity where the child is more in charge,” he said. “If one person is stronger and more confident, and they’re the ones always in control, then you’re crossing the line from healthy roughhousing to overpowering.”




Other articles by HVP News Reporters


  • Get Hooked on Fishing, Not Drugs

    Third Annual Orange County District Attorney’s Office Youth Fishing Derby

    The Third District Attorney’s Office Youth Fishing Derby will run from April 1 through Sept. 4, 2023. The event is open to young people between the ages of 4 and 18 who are children or grandchildren of Orange County residents. read more »
  • Kids aren't eating fruits and veggies

    Happiest Baby's Dr. Harvey Karp has tips to change that

    A new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that approximately 32% of 1- to 5-year-olds did not eat a single piece of fruit a day and nearly one half (~49%) didn't eat any vegetables a day. Roughly 51% drank a sugar-sweetened beverage, like fruit drinks or soda, at least once a week. read more »
  • 5 sleep habits essential for heart health

    Make sure you get your zzz's with these tips

    In the days following a time change due to daylight saving time, research shows a marked increase in heart attacks and strokes. However, losing sleep anytime can be a major risk factor for cardiovascular disease. read more »
  • Take these 6 steps to manage your blood pressure

    Hypertension can be dangerous

    High blood pressure, also known as hypertension, affects nearly half of adults in the United States, and only about 1 in 4 with this condition have it under control, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). read more »
  • Make your St. Patrick's Day spread green with envy

    These open-faced noshes can be perfect for lunch, snack time or an appetizer

    Freshen up your St. Patrick’s Day menu with easy, light sandwiches inspired by the traditional color of the festivities. These open-faced noshes can be perfect for lunch, snack time or even as an appetizer for get-togethers with friends and family. read more »
  • Lucky mint brownie perfection

    A twisted combination of mint and sweet chocolate

    How lucky you must be to come across this recipe just in time for St. Patrick’s Day. This one is a twisted combination of mint and sweet chocolate that’s sure to have almost anyone’s taste buds screaming “yum.” This dessert might just be the pot of gold at the end of your rainbow this year. read more »
  • 3 ways parents can encourage social emotional learning in children

    Parents focus on social emotional skills, mental health, kindness and understanding differences

    Most parents would agree the quality of their children’s education plays a key role in their overall development. While parents are optimistic about the future of education, they also recognize children have educational needs beyond what is considered the standard. read more »
  • Selecting a health care provider

    Resources to guide your selection

    Getting health care for yourself or a loved one is a big responsibility, especially if you’re just getting started with Medicare or have changes in your life, such as a new diagnosis of a condition or disease. It can be overwhelming if you need services like nursing home care, have to find a new doctor or get home health care. read more »
  • 5 simple solutions for proper nasal hygiene

    Keep your nasal passages clean, clear and moisturized

    Your nose is essential for conditioning the air you breathe and serves as the first line of defense against dust, pollution, bacteria, viruses and more. The presence of these substances in your nasal passages can trigger infections, disease and illness. read more »
  • Have a bump on your foot?

    Don’t ignore it

    Have a lump or bump on your foot? Whether it’s painful or not, it could potentially signal a serious condition. Foot and ankle surgeons warn it’s important to have it checked out, no matter its size or location on your foot. read more »