For me, the biggest myth about twins is that it gets easier as they get older.
As a mom to
3-year-old twin girls, I encounter a lot of questions, from the typical “Are
they identical?” to the ridiculous “Are they both yours?”
Along my
parenting journey, I’ve found that friends, family and strangers alike are
always curious about life with twins, and I’ve encountered a lot of myths and
truths about what it’s like to raise multiples.
Myth #1: There is always a “good
twin” and an “evil twin.”
This one is false. Twins, like singletons, are born with their own distinct
personalities and moods, and at times one twin may seem more dominant than the
other. But then suddenly they will switch roles. More often than not, twins
will ban together as partners in crime. Every random twin parent I meet in the
grocery store says the same thing” “What one doesn’t think of, the other one
will!”
Myth #2: Twins are always
each other’s best friend.
This can be true. According to Donna Bruschi, a New Paltz mother of
17-year-old twins, her children have always been really close. “They are best friends in the truest sense, and they’re always
there for each other,” she says.
I have met several sets of adult twins who can’t live without their
sibling and remain very close, and others who live completely separate from
their twin. My daughters already know exactly which buttons to push to get
their sibling going. But, it’s also very sweet to see them encourage and
comfort each other.
Myth #3: All twins share a “secret
language.”
This can be true and false. The official term to
describe the phenomenon of twin language is “idioglossia.” It is more likely to
happen in monozygotic, or identical, twins, but it’s actually quite rare for
twins to develop a true language of their own.
Danielle Coffey, a mother to identical twins Starrleigh and Kalleigh age
18 months noticed this about her daughters, “My girls
are behind in speech, so it is a little difficult to say for sure, but they do
have ‘conversations’ that I cannot understand!”
Twins tend to mimic the speech patterns of their sibling, which could lead
to the misconception that they share a secret language. Like any two people who
spend most of their time together, they learn to rely on nonverbal or shorthand
forms of communication.
Myth #4: All twins must be
delivered via c-section.
This is false. While approximately 75 percent of twins
are delivered via caesarian, there is typically no medical benefit to delivering multiples
this way, according to the New England Journal of Medicine. Twin moms with
optimal health and position of the baby can certainly choose a natural
delivery.
As a first time mom and twin mom, I had planned on a natural birth
and so did my doctors. However, plans changed, and I delivered via c-section when
we discovered one twin was in jeopardy.
Myth #5: Twins really should
be separated in school.
This is false. Every set of
multiples is different. Ethel Resso, owner of
Noah's Ark Nursery School in
Saugerties and an aunt to twin nieces, says it depends on the child.
“Twins find
security in each other, even if they have different personalities,” she says. “Entering
preschool and even kindergarten is a huge change, and the more outgoing twin
might pull the quiet one along. Once they are older, it is good for them to
have their own space.”
Myth #6: Having twins is
more work.
I guess this depends on the parent you’re asking. I’ve only ever had
twins, so I feel like I’m not able to separate the work of parenting from the
work of twins.
Amanda Doty of Saugerties had two sets of twin
girls before she had her singleton boy. Faith and Destiny are 17, Ava and Paige
are 5, and Keegan is 3.
However, Amanda Doty of Saugerties is a mother to two sets of twins and a singleton. She has plenty to compare.
“It is funny because my first experience as a parent
was with twin girls, so it was all I knew! Eleven years later, I had another
set of twin girls,” she says. “Now having my singleton son, I definitely
realize the amount of work twins are!”
For me, the
biggest myth about twins is that it gets easier as they get older. The truth is,
I find each new stage brings a new set of challenges. Just when you get used to
a system, it all changes and you are looking for the new normal.
Whether you
have one, two or 10 children, parenthood is a lot of work at any age. And
that’s the truth.
Roxanne Ferber lives in Saugerties with her
husband and identical 3-year-old twin daughters.