When our son
was an infant, we traveled with him a lot. His mom nursed him, and I often
carried him in sling or a Baby Bjorn. Every now and then, especially in the
south, someone – a server, a cashier – would feel compelled to say, “You’re
holding that baby too much. You’re gonna spoil him! You shouldn’t hold him all
the time. It’s not good.” They were always at least middle aged, more often
elderly. We made a joke out of it. And needless to say, we didn’t alter our
behavior at all.
Science
has proven us right to laugh at this ridiculously bad advice from another era.
In Moms.com, Samira Khan cites multiple studies that show the
wisdom of what many indigenous cultures have known for millennia: holding an
infant, hugging a child, being physically present, are all beneficial not only
for emotional health, but for actual physical health.
READ MORE: How to raise emotionally intelligent kids to conquer stress
As Khan
puts it: “Medical science has also proven that physical touch has a direct
effect on the human body and mind, because the positive, or ‘good touch,’
triggers the release of the hormone oxytocin, which creates feelings of
emotional attachment and strong bonding between parent and child.”
Even as
children grow, enter middle school, and seem to be even more independent and less
needy, Khan maintains you “always greet him with a hug and gentle kiss,
and when your child is worried or upset, listen to him while patting his
back or holding the child tight, giving the feel that you
are always there for him.”
Ironically,
in tween years and high school, when children typically often assert even more
adult-like control, is the age when they need your emotional and moral support
as much as when they were infants. Khan says, “Being physically close to them
is one of the key elements that contribute to their strong emotional
development. In fact, the "good touch” at this age will positively affect
your child’s behavioral patterns.
According
to Khan’s article, adults who experienced positive physical touch and strong
emotional bonding in childhood score better on “emotional intelligence” charts.
They are more empathetic, resilient, and, in a word, happier.
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