Social distancing
due to COVID-19 is hard on most of us, but for the region’s teens, weeks of
separation from their friends can be especially tough. Add to that the delays
and uncertainties of high school seniors’ long-anticipated milestones, like
proms, senior class trips, awards programs, graduation and college plans, and
the situation becomes even more challenging for them.
Coping with
cancellations; college planning. Pine Bush resident, Barb Eylers-Mariner’s daughter,
Meghan, is a high school senior who’s missing out on her school’s national choir
competition in Virginia Beach. Her plans, said Eylers-Mariner, include studying
forensic science, possibly at New Paltz State University of New York, Pace
University or Purchase State University of New York. While her applications are
finished, Eylers-Mariner said her daughter is having trouble getting needed
teacher recommendations completed.
Activities also have been
canceled for the daughter of Tracy Paige of Wallkill, Anne, a senior at
Wallkill Senior High School, including the senior class trip to Universal
Studios Florida and Walt Disney World in Florida plus the school’s
spring musical production of Cinderella, where Anne was set to play an evil
stepsister. Also canceled are the senior class ball, and day trips to Six Flags
Great Adventure.
“She’s is up and moving after
me and taking it easy and slow,” said Paige. “But she’s getting things done. Working
with Dungeons & Dragons is new. She’s reaching out to others and in bed by
11 p.m. or 12 a.m.”
READ MORE: Moms help teens tackle social distancing
The son of Madelyn Nunez of Wappingers
Falls, Timothy, a senior at Roy C. Ketcham High School, is dealing with cancellation
of the school’s theater play, Matilda, which was going to be his last
performance. That’s not all.
“The biggest issue is which
college Timothy will attend,” Nunez said. “The key is if school is going to be
remote, then it might be best to stay local. We might lose our deposit if he
changes his mind.”
Laura Salvati of Wappingers
Falls, whose daughter, Chiara, is a senior at Roy C. Ketcham High School, said
all her daughter’s school clubs have been canceled, including social justice,
honor societies and youth board groups. And then, there’s the stress of college
planning.
“The college decision process
was stressful,” Salvati said. “We’re delaying thinking about it. She doesn’t
want a Zoom graduation. I listen to her; there’s nothing I can say. I give her
permission to be upset.”
As well, Dirce Fornelos of
Hopewell Junction, whose two kids include son, Brian, a senior at John Jay
High School, said he is looking at the University of Brockport, but hasn’t seen
the school. Moreover, the family’s taxes still need to be done, which is a
requirement for financial aid. Brian’s biggest disappointment, however, is that
he can’t test for his driver’s license.
“He
has his permit and drives but it’s a huge issue for him,” she said.
Lauren Zorilo and husband
Billy of Wappingers Falls, whose kids include daughter, Ava, a senior at Roy C.
Ketcham High School, said her daughter is saddened by the cancellation of the
school’s track and field program, where she was the captain. Others include the
school prom, National Honor Society program, field hockey, and travel teams.
Graduation may be held in July, as there won’t be a virtual one.
“She talks on the phone and
uses Instagram,” Zorilo said. “Her friends have drive-bys for their birthdays.
Her boyfriend is in Yonkers and uses FaceTime to connect.”
Online and virtual programs keep kids connected to their schoolwork and friends.
Similarly, Carolyn
Pallett-Brophy of East Fishkill, whose son, Brian, is a senior at John Jay High
School, said all her son’s activities have been canceled, including football
and the Dutchess PBA Explorer program, a sheriff cadet offering for high
schoolers. After high school, Pallett-Brophy said, he wants to be a military officer
or with the law and is planning on school at a community college for a degree
in criminal justice. In the meantime, he’s getting in outdoor time.
“He’s an outdoor kid and has
been taking hikes and biking on his own and with mom,” she said.
READ MORE: Teaching Moms
For Millie Colon-De
La Cruz of Wappingers Falls, whose daughter, Mikaela, is a senior at John Jay
High School in Wappingers Falls, there’s some relief in knowing her daughter
made an early commitment to State University New York Cobleskill, where she
plans on majoring in Animal Science for a career as a veterinarian.
Fortunately, problems related to college have been minimal,
said Colon-De La Cruz, with the only letdown being that “accepted student day”
will be online instead of the school’s beautiful campus. Her daughter also will
miss out on her class’ senior prom, senior graduation, senior trip, senior week
activities, College Commitment message being displayed on the high school’s
outdoor marquee, senior night as a softball player and all the honors that go
with it. As well, the varsity basketball banquet dinner has been canceled.
“She missed her final year as a varsity softball player,”
said Colon-De La Cruz. “This was the year she wanted to shine, and it has been
the biggest loss to her, of them all.”
Barbara Jasiel’s son, Joseph, is a member of Arlington High
Schools 2020 class and is a member of the US Army, a 68W (combat medic in
training) who graduated from basic training and is now at Fort Sam Houston in
San Antonio TX.
“J.J., as we call him, graduated in January but we were
hopeful he could walk with his class in June,” said Jasiel. “He would have been
able to leave the base at that point in time. “
Keeping up with schoolwork, friends and fun. For most teens, it’s not
all about loss but also moving ahead in schoolwork and finding time for fun. For
instance, in addition to her schoolwork, Eylers-Mariner’s daughter spends time
with the family’s cats, does housework and walks. She’s also learning to bake
and making all kinds of breads.
“I make her a hearty breakfast with hot
cocoa with marshmallows and sprinkles” Eylers-Mariner said. “We watch fun
movies and walk. We need some dry weather.”
Nunez’ son participates in live Zoom classes four times
time a week, including Advanced Placement classes, and connects with friends
through Instagram, plays virtual games on Xbox with others and hikes for 30
minutes to an hour daily.
“Other than that,” she said of his outdoor excursions, “he’s
not allowed out.”
Outdoor activities done at home and within social distancing parameters can be a great outlet for teens and other family members.
Salvati's daughter is up at 9
a.m. for online classes, although some classes are recorded. There also are “office
hours” for her Advanced Placement physics and calculus classes.
“There were lots of
assignments at the beginning,” Salvati said, an overload, in fact, including
all seven of her Advanced Placement classes. Now that that’s been dialed back
and with no other activities, her daughter finishes with her schoolwork earlier
than she’d been able to before. She also enjoys collaborations with others
through PowerPoint parties.
READ MORE: Finances: what they don't teach in school
Fornelos’ teen keeps in touch
with his friends through texting, plus online games through Xbox, which is new.
His mornings, she said, are spent doing online morning classes and, in addition
to going for drives, he does Jujitsu through Zoom sessions. His brother plays
soccer.
“We got a ping-pong table and
they have tournaments,” Fornelos said.
It’s full days for Zorilo’s daughter, including online college
courses, yard work, flute playing and laundry.
“She committed early to Pace University where she’ll play
field hockey,” said Zorilo. “We’re waiting on financial aid.”
As for Pallett-Brophy’s teen, he does schoolwork after lunch
through Google Classroom as an Individualized Education Program student, which
makes the current situation more difficult for him, she said.
“He does most of his work on his own but gets support from
his teachers,” she said.
Colon-De La Cruz’s
daughter stays in contact with her friends through texting, FaceTime, Snapchat,
and online video games.
“Her father engages her in
practicing softball, inviting her to watch movies as a family,” she said, “and
I have spent a lot of time talking about the future and college, tons of
girls talk, and inviting her to cook with me and clean.”
Supporting kids. Throughout everything, Eylers-Mariner
tries to keep things positive. “Acknowledge frustrations your kids are feeling,”
she said. “They are the 9/11 babies. If you are struggling, reach out to others,
like friends, clergy. Do mediation. Remember your kids are dealing with a lot.”
For Paige, there’s more emphasis on getting together as a
family, including a family game and movie nights.
“We all used to sit down and discuss what they have been
doing daily at dinner but now with them all being home, everyone knows what the
others are doing,” she said. “I check in daily on schoolwork.”
Nunez said having patience helps. “If you know when they are
on Zoom, don‘t interrupt,” she said. “Put a note on the door. Things have
gotten better since the first weeks of quarantine. It’s Timothy’s last semester
of high school and we want to enjoy this.”
The Salvatis play games — a favorite
is UNO – and do things to honor their daughter, like making a door decoration
for graduation.
“We focus on her mental health,”
Salvati said.
And the Fornelos are talking with each other plus sharing more family time.
“We
eat as a family, whereas before, Brian was out playing sports,” she said. “My
husband has lunch with the kids. We talk.”
Zorilo has found that it’s
best to goes with whatever works well and tries not to upset her daughter.
“There is a future and be
happy about moving forward,” she said. “Be positive. Spend more time as a
family; play board games together. Create a sense of normalcy. Have your kids
do their chores. Remind them that things will get better.”
For Pallett-Brophy, feeling
good is about getting her family outdoors.
“Be sure your kids know they’re not alone,” she said. “This
is a rough time for both adults and kids. Don’t worry about not being on a
regular schedule. I try to help take the stress off his shoulders by making
sure he is able to talk it through. I want him to know his options.”
And for Colon-De La Cruz, life is about focusing on the
moment.
“We try not to get too caught up on everything going on in the news and instead
focus on the present and the loved ones around you, making the most out of our
time together,” she said.
Terrie Goldstein is the publisher of Hudson Valley
Parent.