Watching kids develop their unique talents is one of the
joys of parenthood. What’s more fun than having a front-row seat as tiny
dancers pirouette and sashay, aspiring actors put on plays, and future rock
stars belt out warbling solos?
But effectively nurturing a child’s talent takes more
than applause and praise. All parents want to foster a child’s developing
skills without overwhelming them. But when does “encouragement” turn into
pushing? And how should parents react when kids resist an activity, or when
they drop a once-enjoyed pursuit?
A child’s interests and talents are as unique as his
fingerprint. With that in mind, experts say that the best way to encourage them
depends on the child's temperament. Whether kids lean toward creative pursuits,
athletic endeavors, or have interests all over the map, parents can nurture
their abilities while promoting self-esteem and teaching valuable lessons in
commitment and responsibility.
READ MORE: Choose the right enrichment program!
The Superstar
When a child shows exceptional talent in a specific area,
it’s easy to go overboard. “Very quickly, a child’s life can become centered
around that one thing,” — which can be a recipe for burnout, says Thomas
Hobson, director of Child Life at Le Bonheur Children's Hospital in Memphis,
Tenn. If a talented child begins to resist a favorite pastime, a break may be
in order.
Time will tell whether your child has the interest and
dedication to progress to an elite level. In the meantime, keep things in
perspective; interests can shift, change, or even disappear as kids mature. For
now, keep the focus on fun.
Aim for encouragement that’s specific and
activity-focused to communicate that your child’s worth is not tied up in his
performance, says Michelle P. Maidenberg, Ph.D., therapist and president of
Westchester Group Works in Harrison. “I can tell you worked really hard on that
painting!” is better than “What a good boy! This painting makes me so happy!”
Expose your gifted child to a number of activities. This
intense interest may be a passing phase, so look for ways to expand his
horizons or apply a skill in a new way. For example, an exceptionally agile
gymnast may enjoy tennis, and a strong swimmer may like soccer.
The Solo Artist
If your child clams up or clings to the wall during team
activities, solo pursuits may be more her style for now. Don’t force team
sports on a resistant child; instead, help her enjoy her interests and develop
new ones in settings where she feels comfortable.
Choose one-on-one or small-group lessons like art and
music classes, or motor skills activities that emphasize individual skills
instead of team skills, like swimming, gymnastics, martial arts, and tennis. Or
buddy up; sign her up for a class with one close friend. Having a pal nearby
might make an activity more enjoyable.
A child who prefers individual activities won’t
necessarily miss out on social growth. Cooperation, sharing, and respect for
others can be fostered through participation in semi-organized activities like
library story times, says Karen L. Peterson, Ph.D., child development professor
at Washington State University Vancouver.
READ MORE: Is your child ready for music lessons?
The Dabbler
Swimming? Absolutely! Skiing? Sounds great! Martial arts?
Hi-yaaah! Enthusiastic kids jump into new activities with gusto. But taking on
too many activities at once can make it difficult to develop a strong
commitment to any of them, says Hobson.
Committing to an activity or a class — even for a short
time — teaches responsibility and helps kids develop the competence that leads
to satisfaction and self-esteem. So how can parents up the commitment factor?
First, don’t overwhelm kids with too many choices, says
Hobson. Offer two of three choices suited to a child’s interests, and let the
child select one activity at a time. Discuss what he would like to get out of
the chosen class. “Does he want to learn to dribble a basketball? Play a
certain game? Do a somersault? With a goal, kids are more likely to stick with
the class,” he says.
If a child wants to bail on a team sport, parents have a
great opportunity to talk about personal responsibility. “With team sports,
it’s not just about you, it’s about other people,” says Hobson. He may decide
that he doesn’t like soccer or basketball, and that’s fine — but he should
continue to attend games and support the team.
READ MORE: Is your child the next Picasso?
The Dodger
When kids want to quit a favorite pastime or just can’t
seem to muster up enthusiasm about any activity, parents should try to uncover
the source of the resistance. “Often, a child doesn’t want to participate in
something if they don’t feel confident or capable,” says Maidenberg.
Have an open conversation to find out what’s going on. A
resistant child may be responding to an over-stimulating environment or a
social conflict rather than the activity itself. To see whether this is the
case, take the pressure off by enjoying an activity outside of a class setting.
Playing soccer at a local park or putting on a dance recital at home can help
build confidence and willingness to try.
Kids may need a couple of weeks to warm up to a new
class, says Pio Andreotti, Psy.D., clinical supervisor of child psychology at
Long Island College Hospital. “Allow the child to observe first and
then slowly encourage them to join when she feels ready,” he says.
With the right activity and the right encouragement,
self-esteem can flourish, says Maidenberg. “If an activity makes a child feel
confident, valued, and encouraged, that’s what leads to growth.”
Malia Jacobson is a health journalist and mom.