The term
“strong-willed” can mean a lot of things. It can mean a child’s refusal to sit
at the table, or their refusal, after repeated warnings, and even consequences,
to clean up their room; or they shout and get violent when they don’t get their
way, or they don’t talk at all, no response to questions. With the cabin
fever-element of more families in enforced lockdown, parents working from home,
kids learning online, such behaviors are more common than ever.
Once upon
a time, the operative term for all of the above was “difficult.” Perhaps
because of the inherent negative connotations of that word, we now have
“spirited” and “strong-willed.”
Mom Angela Anagnost-Repke describes her
daughter as a ‘strong-willed child.’ Every day feels like going into battle.
According to her, the most constructive way to deal with “these explosive
little souls,” is with gentleness. “Otherwise,” she writes, “your whole day is
in ruins.”
READ MORE: Tantrums explained
She also
advises nipping things in the bud. It is crucial to be proactive on the front
end of a meltdown, rather than let it play out. She would know. She writes:
“When I breathe, it allows my child to try to do the same thing, too. I wish I
could say that I always had the patience... I don't. I often lose my
temper and scold her too harshly in an attempt for a quick fix. However, that
never works and often just sends the wheels catapulting off.”
Anagnost-Repke
endeavors to check herself before engaging, to be mindful of the stress in her
body. As simple as it may sound, breathing is of the utmost importance. It may
take a while, but once a child’s fury plays out – during which time a parent
can take numerous deep breaths – and their mind has calmed, the first thing to
do is to calmly acknowledge the child’s feelings, whatever they are, as valid.
And then to acknowledge the parent’s feelings as valid. And proceed with calm,
with more notes on how to handle the next storm.
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