Sarah J. Swofford
Gulp! Your doctor has given you the “all clear” to resume
sexual activity after birthing your baby. Now you just need the libido, energy,
and a good night's sleep to go with it and maybe sex will sound remotely
interesting again.
To alleviate some worries you may have about sex after
pregnancy, here are 10 no-pressure, back-to-sex tips for moms who have given
birth. And remember, regardless of what your doctor says, when getting back to
sex, the most important timeline to follow is your own.
Read more: 3 steps to a revved up sex life
1. Low libido is
common
If you are worried about lack of sexual desire since you
had your baby, don't take it personally. Most new moms deal with low libido
after pregnancy. Your infant's needs make being a new mom one of the most
intense stages of a woman's life. Time and patience will get you through the challenges
of early parenthood — including intimacy challenges.
2. Practice
sensual touch
Just because you got medical clearance to resume
intercourse, doesn't mean you have to jump right to it. Sensual touch alone and
with your partner feels good, eases fears, reduces pain, and provides a gentle
re-acquaintance with sex. Tell your partner what types of sexual intimacy you
are, and are not, ready for. Remind your partner that soft and gentle is the
way to go with a new mom.
Read more: In the dark about intimacy?
3. Exhaustion
takes its toll
I can tell you to nap when the baby naps, but you know
that already. But when you are dealing with chronic exhaustion, as most new
moms are, your libido is the first thing to go. See your libido-lag for what it
is, a natural byproduct of exhaustion and the extreme need your precious baby
has for you. Rest when you can, and be patient with your expectations for
yourself.
4. Help for
sluggish hormones
The hormones estrogen and progesterone fluctuate in a
woman's body after childbirth as they return to a post-pregnancy state. Some of
the not-so-great side effects can include vaginal dryness and lowered libido.
Your hormone levels will even out, usually after a few months, although this
can take longer for breastfeeding moms. To combat vaginal dryness, find a great
brand of lubrication you love and use it generously during sex. One thing to
remember: never use oil-based lubrication with latex condoms, since oil
deteriorates latex and puts you at increased risk for pregnancy.
Read more: Host your own sex toy party!
5. Rewire your
brain for pleasure
For a new mom, getting your head around the thought of
sex as a pleasurable possibility is often half the battle. Ask for time for
yourself. Put someone else on baby duty while you take a bath, relax, have a
glass of wine, and read a romance novel or erotic book. Or catch up on your
favorite, steamy television series. Whatever puts you in the mood, do it to
remind your “mommy brain” of sensual pleasures.
6. Don't forget
your Kegels
Sex coach and author Dr. Patti Britton suggests doing 60
pelvic floor exercises (Kegels) a day for noticeable positive sexual
improvements after three weeks. For moms who have just given birth, Kegels are
key. They increase urinary control, vaginal lubrication, and enhance pleasure
during sex. To find your pelvic floor muscles, stop urine flow while urinating.
You have located your Kegels. Now, with an empty bladder (Kegel exercises while
urinating actually weaken the pelvic floor), squeeze and repeat. Do 20 Kegels
each time you brush your teeth or comb your hair, and your pelvic floor will
thank you.
Read more: 50 shades of mommy and daddy
7. Embrace your curves
Welcome to the new curvier you. Did you know, you can
still enjoy sex even with a muffin top, love-handles, cellulite or jiggly bits?
In fact, most women have one or more of these. You may be feeling uncomfortable
about the changes pregnancy has brought to your mommy body. Just remember,
sexual pleasure is for women of every shape and size, so don't discriminate
against your body. Don't think you have to lose your baby weight before you can
enjoy sex again.
Read more: Top 5 reasons to date your spouse
8. Seize the
moment!
Try sexual intimacy during different times of the day
when your energy levels are higher. Put your weekends to good use and take
advantage of being home together during the day. Use your baby's nap time to
sneak in couple time. Remember, intimacy doesn't have to mean sexual
intercourse, or even time in your bedroom. Hidden, heated embraces anywhere in
the house can amp up the fun.
Read more: Soreness after sex?
9. Practice honest
sexual communication
Be honest with yourself and your partner about how you
feel sexually. Janice, a mom of two, suggests new moms listen carefully to
their bodies and honor when they feel ready for intimacy. “If you feel
pressured into having sex before you feel ready, it will lead to feeling
resentful and that's not good for any relationship.”
Explain why you don't feel ready for sex or why you need
a different approach to intimacy. Your partner is less likely to feel rejected
if you share your feelings honestly. Practicing strong sexual communication is
a long-term skill that benefits every relationship.
Read more: What women should know about good intimacy care
10. Honor your
primary relationship — with yourself
The most important sex advice for any new mom is: don't
get so caught up in caring for your baby that you forget to honor how you feel
emotionally, physically, as a woman, and as a partner. Remember, there is no
right or wrong way to have sex as a new mom, there is only your own way. And
really, that's what motherhood is all about, doing the best we can with what we
have. So have at it!
Sarah J. Swofford, MPH, is a sex educator for parents,
mom of two, and the author of the book, “From Ouch! To Ahhh … The New Mom's
Guide To Sex After Baby.”