Hot Topics     Home and Family    

Setting consequences for teens



How to get your teen to follow rules

How to get your teen to follow rules


Consequences are logical results of misbehavior and rule-breaking, clearly stated so your teen understands what you expect and what will happen if the rules are violated. For important guidelines that apply to all ages, see our article on setting consequences for children. Here are suggestions from social worker James Lehman for applying this approach to teens.

Task-oriented consequences: Ideally there will be a clear relationship between the offense and the result. It can be useful to require a task in order to justify removing the consequence. For example, if a teen has broken curfew, require her to come home an hour earlier than curfew the next time she goes out. By proving she has the self-discipline to obey your rules, she reassures you it's reasonable to return to the original curfew.

Time-related consequences: Sometimes it's appropriate to set a time limit on the requirement. If you want your teen to clean up his language, tell him he has to go three days without swearing to get his phone back. More than three days might be impossible for him to maintain and for you to remember. Less than three days isn't enough of a challenge to teach him something. Revoking privileges for a vague period or a long amount of time causes both anxiety and resentment.

Avoid canceling special events. Setting a consequence by refusing participation in a holiday or a once-in-a-lifetime event is likely to cause anger that you and your teen will not be able to live down. It's far more effective to withdraw privileges for a short time if you want to get compliance with your rules.

Use rewards as well. Consequences are even more successful if they are coupled with rewards. The teen who shows she's responsible enough to consistently stick to curfew could be rewarded with an even later curfew down the line.

Be matter-of-fact. When setting out consequences, speak calmly and clearly. If your teen tries to argue, restate your position firmly. If she insists, it's fine to walk away. If, in the heat of the moment, you end up shouting, disconnect as soon as possible. Later you can go back and apologize.



Other articles by HVP News Reporters


  • Get Hooked on Fishing, Not Drugs

    Third Annual Orange County District Attorney’s Office Youth Fishing Derby

    The Third District Attorney’s Office Youth Fishing Derby will run from April 1 through Sept. 4, 2023. The event is open to young people between the ages of 4 and 18 who are children or grandchildren of Orange County residents. read more »
  • Kids aren't eating fruits and veggies

    Happiest Baby's Dr. Harvey Karp has tips to change that

    A new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that approximately 32% of 1- to 5-year-olds did not eat a single piece of fruit a day and nearly one half (~49%) didn't eat any vegetables a day. Roughly 51% drank a sugar-sweetened beverage, like fruit drinks or soda, at least once a week. read more »
  • 5 sleep habits essential for heart health

    Make sure you get your zzz's with these tips

    In the days following a time change due to daylight saving time, research shows a marked increase in heart attacks and strokes. However, losing sleep anytime can be a major risk factor for cardiovascular disease. read more »
  • Take these 6 steps to manage your blood pressure

    Hypertension can be dangerous

    High blood pressure, also known as hypertension, affects nearly half of adults in the United States, and only about 1 in 4 with this condition have it under control, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). read more »
  • Make your St. Patrick's Day spread green with envy

    These open-faced noshes can be perfect for lunch, snack time or an appetizer

    Freshen up your St. Patrick’s Day menu with easy, light sandwiches inspired by the traditional color of the festivities. These open-faced noshes can be perfect for lunch, snack time or even as an appetizer for get-togethers with friends and family. read more »
  • Lucky mint brownie perfection

    A twisted combination of mint and sweet chocolate

    How lucky you must be to come across this recipe just in time for St. Patrick’s Day. This one is a twisted combination of mint and sweet chocolate that’s sure to have almost anyone’s taste buds screaming “yum.” This dessert might just be the pot of gold at the end of your rainbow this year. read more »
  • 3 ways parents can encourage social emotional learning in children

    Parents focus on social emotional skills, mental health, kindness and understanding differences

    Most parents would agree the quality of their children’s education plays a key role in their overall development. While parents are optimistic about the future of education, they also recognize children have educational needs beyond what is considered the standard. read more »
  • Selecting a health care provider

    Resources to guide your selection

    Getting health care for yourself or a loved one is a big responsibility, especially if you’re just getting started with Medicare or have changes in your life, such as a new diagnosis of a condition or disease. It can be overwhelming if you need services like nursing home care, have to find a new doctor or get home health care. read more »
  • 5 simple solutions for proper nasal hygiene

    Keep your nasal passages clean, clear and moisturized

    Your nose is essential for conditioning the air you breathe and serves as the first line of defense against dust, pollution, bacteria, viruses and more. The presence of these substances in your nasal passages can trigger infections, disease and illness. read more »
  • Have a bump on your foot?

    Don’t ignore it

    Have a lump or bump on your foot? Whether it’s painful or not, it could potentially signal a serious condition. Foot and ankle surgeons warn it’s important to have it checked out, no matter its size or location on your foot. read more »