Patrice E. Athanasidy
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The other day, my daughter and I saw a kindness wall at the
end of local mall. It was filled with cards of ideas on how to be kind to
others around the holidays, including things like donating to the local food
pantry, sending a care package to a solider and letting someone go in front of
you in line. As my daughter and I scoured the wall for the card we wanted, my
daughter, Kit said I’d taught her to do these already and that it was hard to
find a new one.
She had no idea I was working on a story about kindness, but
there it was—how do you prepare teens to be kind in this world? Just by doing.
Our children watch us all the time. They see whether we
smile at others and try to give people the benefit of the doubt on a tough day.
They see us buy a gift for Toys for Tots or food for the food pantry. They also
see us lose our cool in traffic and talk about the people in our lives.
If we handle the majority of situations in our lives with
kindness, our kids learn how to do that too. Once, when I was driving with my
daughter, someone cut her off.
“I hope you have a totally average day,” my daughter,
Charlotte, said to the driver in reaction to the incident. I laughed. “A
totally average day” is a kind way to be upset. I wish I had thought of that. My
daughter found a way to react and remain on the side of kindness.
Kindness is contagious in the best way possible. On
Thanksgiving, my daughters needed to buy something at our local CVS. When they
returned, they beamed with happiness. They’d asked the cashier what his
favorite candy bar was and then bought it for him. They told him they wanted to
thank him for working on Thanksgiving. He told them it made his day. Such a simple
gesture, but a kindness that made someone else feel noticed and appreciated. They
said he was so happy with the next customer—contagious kindness.
READ MORE: Kindness in Dutchess County
When my children were little, one of our cousins spent
several holidays in the hospital. We saw video and pictures of how happy he was
when Santa visited his hospital bed and others came around caroling. My
children asked how we could help our local hospital the next holiday season.
They saw how important kindness was for their cousin and wanted to do the same
thing for someone else.
Kindness is also often learned when children see what
happens when people are not kind. My son has autism. When he was younger and
had fewer social skills, people were not always kind to him. His sisters became
his champions. They helped him navigate the playgrounds and parties. They found
ways to keep his environment a little quieter; a little more manageable. They
sometimes spoke to potential friends for him to break a barrier.
His sisters also became champions of others when they saw
that someone was not being treated right. Each time I observed one of these
acts of kindness, I talked with my children about it later. I let them know
that I saw their kindness. I l told them how important it was that they did
this. I talked about how those acts of kindness can ripple and make other
people pause and be kind in the future.
My son, Peter, who has become more social and verbal in
recent years, has also been known to step in for friends who can’t talk as much
for themselves. He tells me it is because people helped him and he wants to
help.
The kindness comes full circle. As I watch my teens do these
simple acts of kindness, I want to be like them. I want to make sure I take the
moment, I share the smile, I think of another person first. The ripples
continue.
Patrice
Athanasidy, who lives with her family in Westchester, has written for numerous
publications in the tri-state area. She is an adjunct instructor at Manhattan
College in the communication department.