In the United States alone,
almost 700,000 citizens identify as transgender. Society has many schools of
thought regarding how best to approach this community. Darby Fox, Child
and Adolescent Family Therapist, provides guidance for parents of children who
view themselves as being of their non-biological gender.
“Transgender and gender-nonconforming individuals are nine
times more likely to attempt suicide than the national average,” says Darby.
“Isolation and lack of acceptance are huge risk factors in this alarming
statistic. However, proper family support can mitigate these numbers and save
children’s lives.”
Darby provides these tips for parents of transgendered
children:
1. Love Your Child, but Be Honest
Regardless of lifestyle, your child should know that your
love is a constant; this doesn’t mean you have to lie about your feelings.
Having a child modify their appearance, mannerisms and name is an adjustment
for everyone. “It’s ok for your child to see that you aren’t completely
comfortable right off the bat, as long as they know it is something you are
working on,” says Darby Fox. “Children will often sense if you aren’t being
honest. In order to build trust, be as truthful as possible without attacking
or criticizing your child. The most important thing is to emphasize love.”
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2. Trust Your Child to Know Themselves
Studies have shown that gender identity starts to develop as
early as the first year of life and is solidified by age four. “When your child
is telling you that they do not identify with their assigned gender, you may
want to consider that it is not a phase,” advises Darby. “Your child knows
themselves better than you realize. As your children begin to understand the
world around them, they also need to be able to explore their own identity.”
3. Expect Community Backlash
Not everyone can love your child like you do. Community and
family members may not want to take the same steps towards acceptance. Remember
that this public outcry is even harder for your non-conforming child. Public
opinion should be an open topic of conversation, and something that you face
together.
“It's important to have a broad ongoing discussion about
tolerance,” says Darby. “Emphasize that there are many people who feel
discriminated against for their differences outside of the LGBTQ community as
well – for example those who are overweight or are living with a handicap. By
taking the focus off your child’s struggle, you are helping to normalize the
situation.”
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4. Seek Support and Education
There are many families working through the same situation.
As a result, there are countless websites and forums dedicated to education and
support. Parents and Friends of Lesbian’s and Gay’s (PFLAG), for example, is a
nationwide organization catering to transgendered and gender non-conforming
people as well as their friends and family.
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Darby Fox, Child & Adolescent Family Therapist, has over
20 years of experience providing individual and group therapy in both
non-profit and private settings. Darby takes a unique approach to counseling
and looks beyond the presenting problem to make a real connection with the
children and families. Through a variety of techniques, Darby helps children
and families express what is troubling them when they haven’t mastered the
language or awareness to express their thoughts and feelings verbally. She
incorporates the family as a whole into the therapy to establish a framework to
teach on-going problem solving skills and provides a corrective emotional experience
that is necessary for healing.