Life
is filled with stress, and there’s really no way for our children to avoid it.
Whether it be worrying about schoolwork, making friends, or even choosing what
outfit to wear to fit in, it is inevitable that children will experience the
ups and downs of stress.
Although stress can be beneficial in
short-term situations, it can become problematic when it gets too intense and
frequent. By teaching children how to tap into
their emotional intelligence (EQ)—the
ability to recognize, direct, and positively
express emotions— they will be able to better handle stressful situations
throughout their lives.
Good and Bad Stress
Stress
is our body’s natural reaction to a challenging or negative situation (whether
real or imagined), which triggers the fight-or-flight response. This involves a
rush of hormones, such as cortisol and adrenaline, that cause a rise in blood
pressure and heart rate. Good stress—or positive stress—is a normal and
essential part of healthy development, as explained by the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University.
This type of short-term stress is part of our natural survival instinct. It can
keep us alive when we react to a threat, make us accountable for our actions,
and motivate us to get things done. Without a little stress, children wouldn’t
look both ways before crossing the street or study for tests in school—or be
afraid of getting in trouble by their parents.
On
the other hand, experiencing strong, frequent, or prolonged tension can lead to toxic stress as hormones surge throughout the body without allowing it to rest and recover. This
can take a toll on children’s mental and physical health, causing bothersome
symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, dizziness, aches and pains, and a whole
host of other issues.
Toxic
stress has also been associated with serious health problems like immune
deficiencies, infections, heart disease, and even cancer. Unfortunately, stress
that continues for months or years can also lead to mental health problems like
anxiety and depression, which can be detrimental to a child’s long-term
development and even
debilitating if not addressed.
READ MORE: C’mon get happy
How Emotional Intelligence Can Help
Children Manage Stress
EQ is a powerful skill that can help us
better understand ourselves, overcome challenges, and build strong
relationships with others. People with a high EQ can tolerate and
constructively manage challenging feelings like sadness, anger, and fear. They
also accept themselves and empathize with others. According
to Wendy Baron, formerly of the Chopra Center, children with
higher EQ have less anxiety because they have the ability to respond rather
than react, and to understand what triggers their stress.
By learning to express
emotions, listen actively, and consider multiple perspectives, children will
develop more positive, caring, respectful relationships with others; resolve
conflicts more easily; and become less stressed and more optimistic. When
children are able to effectively manage their emotions related to stress and
anxiety, they can regulate their nervous system so they can stay happy and
healthy.
1. How To Build Emotional Intelligence. Fortunately,
EQ is a skill that we can all learn at any time in our life. Here are some ways
that you can help your children
grow their EQ muscle:
2. Be Available and Open-Minded. Although there are probably many topics
you hope to never have to discuss with your children, letting them know
they can talk to you about anything will greatly expand their EQ. If children
feel ashamed or scared to talk about certain topics, they may build up
repressed emotions that could come out later in negative behavior. It is better
to be an open and honest book now to keep the chains of communication going
between you and your children for a lifetime.
3. Provide Tools To Express Emotions. Expressing emotions thoughtfully requires
us to first be aware that we are having them and then to be able to communicate
them effectively to ourselves and others. One of the best ways to help young
children express their emotions is to teach them easy, appropriate vocabulary
to describe their feelings. Suggest phrases like: “I’m feeling scared because,”
or “When this happens, I feel…,” or “I don’t like when…”. From a young age,
help your children identify emotions through games, creative activities like
drawing and writing, and reading books together. As they get older, a stress
diary can be very helpful to track what triggers their strong emotions.
4. Listen Actively. Listening helps diffuse intense feelings.
When we listen deeply to another person, we let them know that we hear them and
care about them. Active listening requires you to be fully present so that you
can understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. You can foster
active listening by using eye contact, acknowledging what they say, and asking
questions that show you are interested, such as “What was that like for you?”
or “How did that make you feel?”.
5. Accept Their Emotions. Teach kids that they can’t choose
their emotions, but they can choose what to do with those feelings. By
accepting how they feel, you let them know they are safe and it is alright to
feel that way. Even if you don’t agree with them, you can still let them know
you understand how and why they feel that way. Just by acknowledging how they
feel, you can guide them in finding a calm, productive solution.
6. Explore Multiple Perspectives. Experiencing other people’s perspectives
broadens our thinking, builds empathy and compassion, and reduces hurtful
behavior toward others. To build this skill in your child, you can ask
questions about characters while reading a story or watching a show together.
Explore how different characters feel and why they may feel that way. Talk
about conflicts the characters experienced. With older children, you can ask
them about different views on current events, looking at all sides of an issue.
As children are exposed to more perspectives, they become more flexible in
their thinking, making them more accepting and tolerant of others and
themselves.
7. Let Them Know It’s Okay To Fail: Mistakes help us learn and grow.
Children who never experience failure can end up feeling anxious and helpless
down the road. Teach your children the importance of learning from mistakes,
and that they don’t need to be good at everything or liked by everyone to be
happy and successful in life.
8. Love Them Unconditionally: Children need to feel that their
parents will support and protect them. Giving unconditional love means having
your children’s back whenever they feel threatened, unsafe, bullied, or vulnerable.
Even if you don’t agree with their position or feeling, you can still give them
unconditional love.
9. Teach
Them Stress Management Tools. Identify ways for them to respond to stress by
using creative calm-down strategies like meditation; mindful exercises; yoga;
breathing exercises; visualization; and distraction techniques like music, art,
or going for a walk outside in nature.
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