Maintaining moderation is helpful in guiding us
with many aspects of life, including the praise we sometimes heap upon our
children. A generation ago, disciplining children through positive
reinforcement became a popular alternative to punishment. Instead of being
spanked or sent to his room, a child was rewarded for correct behavior. But
research shows that positive reinforcement alone does not help a child
internalize appropriate behavior any more than does punishment.
Intrinsic
motivation
Children naturally seek out activities and
situations that interest them and allow them to demonstrate competence. Young
children don’t have to be rewarded to learn new words, ideas or skills. In
fact, children who are intrinsically motivated (doing something for the joy of
doing it or because they feel it’s valuable) are likely to perform higher
quality and more creative work or be better behaved than those motivated by the
idea of a reward or praise.
READ MORE: Child Behavior: Make sure your child knows he is valuable
Watch a year-old infant begin to master the art of
walking: she pulls herself up, falls, does it again, and takes a step. She
falls continuously, but keeps persevering until she masters it, usually with a
gleeful smile. The joy of mastery is evident as a reward in and of itself — no
external praise is necessary.
Contrary to B.F. Skinner’s theory of positive
reinforcement, which suggests that children will perform better when they
expect to get something for it, a number of studies indicate that emphasizing
praise or special privileges can be counterproductive.
‘What
do I get if I do it?’
Rewards may even destroy intrinsic motivation. The
fascination with the task may vanish and eventually the child won’t perform the
task unless there is some reward at stake. Other tasks will be looked at in
this way, as well, developing in the child a “what do I get if I do it”
mentality. Unwittingly, we may undermine interest in reading, thinking and
creating just by rewarding or continuously praising.
British educator A.S. Neill has said, “It is
tantamount to declaring that the activity is not worth doing for its own sake.”
Rewards may encourage children to focus more on the
reward than on the task itself – to do it as quickly as possible, with as
little effort and creativity as possible. This could be the reason studies find
that the more children think about a reward, the more likely they are to choose
the easiest possible task. They want the toy, not the challenge.
According to researchers, intrinsic motivation is
related not only to achievement but also to self-esteem, cognitive competence
(how a child feels about her skills), and a child’s sense of control over this
environment. These are areas in a child’s development we are all trying to
enhance, not limit.
Praise
the effort
Praise and reinforcement do have a place in any
parent’s repertoire of disciplinary or motivational tools for their children. Children
should be praised for their effort rather than the product of their
accomplishments. Children who are praised for their efforts persevere when
faced with challenging or difficult tasks. They don’t give up as easily as
others. These children in later years embody the work ethic, “it’s not whether
you win or lose that’s important, it’s how you play the game”.
Use
moderation
By the time a child reaches adolescence, he has
probably heard “good job” no less than 5,000 times for anything and everything
from putting on his underwear to putting a ball in the basket in his driveway.
By all means praise your children, but first let
them know the specific reason why they are being praised and use what’s often
called variable reinforcement. Don’t praise or reward continuously — too much
praise diminishes the impact and effectiveness of the attention and words. Using
the same words like “good job” again and again also reduces the impact they
might have on the child and also increases the probability that your child will
ignore them.
Praise and rewards probably have the most utility
of any motivational, disciplinary, or esteem building techniques that a parent
can use. The key to success is using them correctly. Keep it all in moderation!
Paul Schwartz, PhD.,
is a professor of psychology and education at Mount Saint Mary College.
Other articles by Paul Schwartz