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As parents,
we all want the best for our children and teens. We teach them right from
wrong, we help them with their homework, we encourage their hobbies, and when
the time is right, we talk about sex and relationships to help them make the
best decisions they can.
From the
very first questions about sexuality — like “Where do babies come from?” — parents
might seize up with anxiety. And we know the questions are only going to get
more difficult as they grow.
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Whether you
have a preschooler questioning the logic of a stork delivering his baby sister or
a teenager who wants to go on birth control, there are plenty of ways to make
talking about sex with your kids a healthy, productive discussion.
And Planned
Parenthood is here to help. More than just a health care provider, Planned
Parenthood has made education and family planning its mission for the last 100
years. In addition to their 700 health centers nationwide, Planned Parenthood
provides educational programs for parents and teens like the “Let’s Talk”
program held every October.
“Let’s Talk
Month provides an opportunity to highlight the important role that parents play
as the primary sexuality educators of their own children and emphasize that
honest, open communication in families has significant benefits,” says Jessie
Moore, MPH, CHES, and sexuality education coordinator for Planned Parenthood of
the Mid-Hudson Valley, a local chapter established in 1934.
During the
month-long program, sex education providers and advocates
across the country encourage parents to communicate with their children about
sexuality. Sexuality comprises a wide range of topics including relationships,
bodies and body image, reproduction, gender identity, sexual orientation,
sexual behavior, and preventing pregnancy and STDs.
“Our aim is to encourage parents to talk with their children
about sexuality and relationships, and provide resources to facilitate these
conversations,” Moore says. “We encourage teens to start conversations with
their parents or other trusted adults, and deepen the public’s understanding of
Planned Parenthood’s role as a sex education provider and resource.”
In 2014, Planned Parenthood produced a
television watch guide to help parents use television as a way to talk with
their children more often and more in-depth, covering topics like healthy
relationships, body image, sexual orientation, gender identity, birth control
and condoms, STDs, social media and online safety, and unintended pregnancy.
The guide drew on examples from television shows and provide sample questions
that parents can use as conversation-starters.”
FIND UPCOMING WORKSHOPS IN YOUR AREA: “Let’s Talk: Adolescent Development & Sexual Health”
If you
want to bring up the discussion yourself, Moore advises seizing on teachable
moments that naturally present themselves. If you’re watching a movie with your
child and a sex scene comes on, don’t automatically change the channel — it
will only make your child curious. A good option is to either pause the movie
or bring it up later and insert your values into the conversation.
“You
can say to your child, hey, did you notice they weren’t using protection in
that scene?” Moore says. “Once you’ve had a couple of these conversations, your
child will feel more comfortable asking you about things they hear on the
school bus or from friends, because you’ve talked about it before and didn’t
freak out. Even if you’re freaking out on the inside,” she says.
You
can also bring books and pamphlets home to get conversations going. Although it
may be awkward, the more accurate information your kids have, the more able
they will be to make healthy decisions. “How old was your child when you first
told him cigarettes were yucky?” Moore says. “If you talk to them about that
throughout their lives, when it comes time for them to decide whether or not to
smoke, you’ll hopefully be sitting on their shoulder as they make that
decision.”
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If you
don’t know an answer to a question, tell your child that — and then look it up
together. This will build trust and present the opportunity to help your child
learn how to weed out accurate and inaccurate information when looking for
information about sexuality online.
If you’re
having trouble navigating these waters on your own, there are resources that
can help. Planned Parenthood of the Mid-Hudson Valley offers a variety of
programming to help facilitate communication about sexuality among kids and
caregivers. They offer workshops on adolescent development to help caregivers
put their child’s behavior and moods in context, as well as workshops to help
parents understand what kids legally can and cannot access in New York State.
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They also
run a texting hotline that provides medically accurate answers to questions teens
text in.
“ICYC: In
Case You’re Curious is a free sexual health textline for teens,” Moore says. “All
they have to do is text PPMHV to 57890. They'll receive a confirmation text.
Then they text their questions whenever they have them. They'll receive a
response within 24 hours.”
So the next
time a sex-related topic comes up, don’t panic. It may be awkward at first, but
the more trust and understanding you build with your child, the safer and
healthier he or she will be.
Elora Tocci is a freelance writer born and
raised in the Hudson Valley. She currently works as a communications manager
for Teach For America in New York City.
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