Tonya Cotto has written in moms.com about the discord that
can occur when parents differ in their basic parenting philosophies and
protocols.
“Most couples can find common ground when it comes to most
things in their marriage. As a result, they are often entirely caught off guard
when differences arise due to parenting,” she notes. “The inability to agree on
how to handle tasks like discipline, bedtimes, or chores often lean to a couple
of breaking points. Couples find themselves in uncharted territory, leaving
their relationship is chaos and disarray.”
Cotto
suggests that part of the problem may stem from sentimentalizing parenting, so
the children come before the marriage, instead of striving for a united front
from both parents.
“United
parenting teaches the children patience, collaboration, commitment, respect,
healthy boundaries, and so much more,” she points out. “Our greatest gift to
our children can be to model a relationship that they will strive to have one
day.”
How to do
this? Cotto suggests having older couples as mentors, and not necessarily from
one’s pool of relatives. She also points
out that, “How we talk to each other and our children cultivates our
relationship. As a couple, how you discuss essential topics, especially in
front of the kids, helps them experience ‘healthy’ conversation… honoring your
child's other parent will teach them to honor you.”
Just as
important, always remember that as parents, you model behavior for your kids.
Let anger go. Be open and honest, but also predictable. Be as understanding
with your parenting partner as you are with your child and be prepared to
accommodate differing parenting attitudes to different parenting tasks. And
always keep the possibility of therapy and counseling open to yourselves as a
couple.
“Parenting does not need to be the survival of the
fittest, but more like the united front of positive modeled behaviors,” Cotto
concludes.
Talk about useful maxims, especially given today’s many
challenges.