Once upon a time, support for new mothers came from an
extended family, in which a crowd of aunts and cousins joined the new
grandmother in teaching mothering skills, as well as helping with childcare. In
our currently fragmented society, we have to seek mothers in the community for
the support we need. Here are tips from Parents.com on how to forge those
valuable friendships and how to deal with old friends who may now seem to live
in another universe.
Reaching out to new friends
The pandemic has shut down many of the gatherings where you
might meet other moms, but parks are still open. While it may feel daunting to
talk to strangers, you'll find most women carrying babies, or pushing carriages
and strollers, are as eager for sympathetic company as you are. Even if your
baby is too young for swings and climbing bars, the playground is a good place
to meet moms.
Join Facebook groups for mothers, which will allow you to
connect with other moms at odd moments, such as during nighttime feedings.
More Tips: How to Make New Mommy Friends
Keeping in touch with old friends
It may feel like your former crowd has no interest in the
all-encompassing world of babies, but you can still keep in touch with one
friend at a time. An occasional phone call or text will help you stay
connected. Eventually some of your friends will have babies of their own, and
you'll have a lot to talk about again.
Coping with differences
If your new friends' parenting styles don't match your own,
“Don’t offer unsolicited feedback unless you feel their practices pose a danger
to your child,” advises relationship expert Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., a
professor at Northern Illinois University. Giving too much advice may push
other moms away, just when you really need them. Be tolerant of different
viewpoints. The truly incompatible friendships will fade over time.
More tips: New Moms Roundup
Breaking into a scene
It may be hard to join a group that's already formed and
deeply enmeshed. Asking about topics beyond babies (career choices, local
family activities) can help you connect. If it takes a while to be embraced,
don't fall back on high school feelings of rejection. As an adult, you have a
new chance to persist and be yourself. Offer to trade babysitting and
transportation duties, which will benefit both you and others.
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