Writing
for Fatherly, Swampy Hawkins, an Atlanta father of four, whose kids (from two
marriages), range in age from early twenties to infancy, is popular with his
children, their friends, and other parents. He has the parenting thing down,
apparently. New parents continually ask him, what’s your secret, Swampy?
He writes:
“My answer is always the same: Be consistent. Consistently loving,
consistently patient, consistently fun, consistently firm, consistently
respectful, consistently present. Be consistent with your expectations,
your rules, and your praise.”
He has a
point, of course. Especially during Covid, when the world seems even more
chaotic than usual, providing children with a sense of predictability has never
been more important. One year in, mental health professionals now routinely
offer advice on how to help your kids through these times, and “be consistent”
usually tops their lists.
READ MORE: Create a bedtime routine for your child
Hawkins
puts it this way: “Consistency provides a stable framework in your child’s
life. It assures them, on the deepest psychological level, that, regardless of
the uncertain and unpredictable nature of life, they are safe, they are loved,
they matter, and they can depend on you. Consistently. Nothing throws a
kid off their game more than an erratic, inconsistent parent. It confuses
and scares the hell out of them. Kids are little sponges who learn an
incredible amount through osmosis, and if what they’re learning from you is all
over the place, well, that’s precisely how they’ll behave.”
Hawkins is
big on manners, and unfailingly getting his kids to say please and thank you to
get what they want. He’s also clued in to something I discovered early on in my
own parenting journey: kids may think they’ll be happiest when they’re allowed
to act like tyrannical pirates, but they’re not. Even though they’ll initially
pout or worse when you put limits on them, they ultimately appreciate what
Hawkins refers to as “guard rails, and structure to help them feel secure.”
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