As a new dad, I was unprepared for
a lot. Like ‘comparing babies,” where you meet other parents with babies of
approximately the same age as yours, and you compare and contrast. When this
transpired in our family, my wife and I watched our infant, then his peers, then
him, then others. We tried not to make comparisons and failed. We could’ve used
writer Patrick A. Coleman’s “The Two-Year Milestones that Matter” on
Fatherly.com.
Of course, you want to remain
vigilant for anything really dire, but Coleman asserts, and twenty years on, I
concur, that far and away most babies are okay, or better than okay. Many books
and websites will play on parents’ natural fears just for clicks and dollars.
It need not be this way.
Coleman does confirm that the
two-year milestones feel particularly
important because this is generally the last time your child will be assessed –
by you and/or a pediatrician – before they head off to preschool. But as he
says, regardless of received wisdom (of which there is a dizzying amount, a lot
of it contradictory), “every child will acquire abilities at their own rate and
in their own order.”
He puts a fine point on it when he
writes: “Instead of worrying if your two-year-old can first walk
confidently, run, speak simple sentences, or fill and empty a bucket, parents should
look at their kid holistically. To that end, there are two big qualities that
parents should look for in the two-year-old: lots of movement and lots of
independence.”
READ MORE: Missed Milestones
I was a stay-at-home dad for my
son’s first four years, and I recall a mom at a local playground wishing her
toddler was cautious like mine. My son was much less inclined to go down the
slide backwards, or to try to run up it, because he was careful by nature. This
trend would continue throughout his childhood, finally lessening somewhat (to
my chagrin) when he became a teenager.
Regarding independence, Coleman has
a lot of interesting things to say about the word “no,” and how it’s actually
good to hear it, if annoying.
He writes: “An independent child
will start developing their own opinions. So, you should be expecting to hear
the word ‘no’.”
Why might this be a good thing?
“There are a ton of cognitive
abilities being displayed in the word “no”. When your kid says no, it means
that they have heard and understood your request. They have the cognitive
capability to weigh your request against their own desires and are able to communicate
their intent.”
Balancing gratitude with
exasperation is no small feat, but you can do it.
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