Writing is a natural
instinct that was inherited to me from my mama. It is also a
therapeutic way for me to process whatever is inside of me that I cannot
express any other way.
Writing is my first
love.
My identity does not
end there. I am
- a wife and mother.
- an introvert.
- a proud black woman.
- a lover of dark
chocolate and coffee
- a poet
- a humanitarian
- a plant mama
- a movie reviewer
- a feminist
My life unraveled in 2019 and I kept a detailed account of
it in my journal which I later published as my memoir The Anxiety Diaries.
It started off as a New Year’s Resolution, a
personal challenge as a writer to write every single day about my life. As a lifelong journaler, I love looking back
on past experiences and different versions of my former self through the old
diary entries and essays I have written.
What sort of things would you discover
about the story of your life if you wrote about it every day for a year? I
learned that my anxiety was slowly taking control of my life demanding to be
the star antagonist.
READ MORE: Make sure to take care of yourself
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, a mental illness I was
diagnosed with in 2014. I have a phobia of bridges, I don’t drive on highways,
I spent an entire year thinking that I was going to choke on my food for no
apparent reason. Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll faint; I’ve never fainted before.
Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll have a cardiac arrest; I don’t have any heart
problems. Any head pain sends panic down my spine for fear I will have a stroke
or aneurysm.
Combine these fears with the isolation and stress that comes with
being a stay at home mom and not mentally being able to get a real break, I
started the year off optimistic and enthusiastic but little by little I became unhinged.
I almost died in 2019. There were many days when I thought I
would die, either from the stress of everything or from some vague illness.
I’ve experienced so much shame because of my anxiety, publishing my diary is my
way of taking my power back. I still feel bouts of shame from time to time. My
mental state is constantly on my mind and even when things are going well, I
worry about how they can go bad.
Through this experience, I have found my
tribe, the people that get me and love me and most importantly listen to me.
Who could have known speaking up about what scares me the most would help me
become a creative writer and braver person.
Visit Dana's website to purchase a copy of her book,
and read her ongoing blogs. See her on Facebook and Instagram.
Other articles by HVP News Reporters