With the pandemic’s decrease in socializing, your teen may
be spending extra time viewing the selfies of stick-thin friends on Instagram
and Tik-tok, followed by unfavorable comparisons with her own body shape. Or
perhaps eating has become a way of dealing with anxiety about the uncertain
future. COVID-19 seems to be escalating teens’ angst over body image issues,
says body-positive activist Virgie Tovar. In an interview with Kristen Chase on
coolmompicks.com, Tovar, author of the recently published The Self-Love Revolution: Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color, discusses how society contributes to girls’ self-image issues and how parents
can offer corrective views.
Tovar attacks the medical system’s “scapegoating of
higher-weight people. It’s considered a co-morbidity factor. If you’re a
higher-weight patient, as two-thirds of women are, you’re seen as a
non-compliant patient. Unless you’re trying to lose weight, the attitude is,
you don’t deserve the same level of care as people who are.” According to
Tovar, the American Medical Association declared obesity a disease, against the
suggestion of the committee that was assigned the issue, although the committee
determined that being overweight does not meet the criteria of a disease.
“Everyone is valuable,” says Tovar. “All food is good food.
Everyone deserves equality, regardless of body size.”
As a parent, you have the chance to convey to your daughter
that her weight does not determine her worth. Nevertheless, kids bear messages
delivered by the media and by schoolmates, and you will have to point out the
fallacies of those messages. Even if you have to say the same words over and
over, observed Tovar, it’s okay. That’s what girls need to hear, until the
words are embedded in their thought, available at a moment’s notice as they
develop the skills to handle situations where their self-esteem is being
challenged.
READ MORE: Parents' Say Has Less Weight with Heavy Teens
Parents also have to address their own issues, which is not
easy. “Moms face enormous expectations and pressures,” says Tovar. “We’re
likelier to be the ones prepping meals and dressing our kids, which are
triggering moments for us.” While dieting and working out at the gym help us
cope, we have to remember that we have our own unrecognized wounds, our own
tendencies to believe we’re not worthy, which gives us the urge to restrict and
diet in order to recover a sense of control.
There is no evidence that dieting leads to better health
practices or better mental health, says Tovar. “The diet culture actually
creates these problems. Eating is good. Your children don’t have to be afraid
of wanting to eat, and neither do you. Let a sense of joy anchor your
activities. Attempting to control a child’s eating is highly unlikely to lead
to anything but body dysmorphia.”
Sure, it’s healthy to eat vegetables and to exercise, but
don’t make a connection between veggies and losing weight or exercise and
losing weight. Letting children eat until they’re full affirms natural
hunger/fullness signals. In dieting, people lose access to that awareness,
creating problems that contribute to eating disorders.
It’s fine to advocate for kids at school and at the doctor’s
office, Tovar says. One mother placed notices in her child’s medical records,
requesting that medical professionals not express concern about the child’s
body mass index but rather ask how her family promotes mental and physical
health.
You can ask your child questions:
1. When she criticizes her own body, ask, “Why do you think
that way? Where did you get that idea? How else could we look at that thought?”
2. When looking at images of size 0 women in the media, ask,
“Who does this picture benefit? You and the people you love?”
3. When she compares herself to thinner girls, ask “What makes
your body special?” For instance, her body is more muscular from carrying more
weight. Point out that the world needs all kinds of people. Different kinds of
people bring different perspectives, provide different solutions, make us aware
of different kinds of beauty. We create the world together, with all our
different skills and strengths.