Dr. Sanam Hafeez
On
October 7th, Hamas launched a deadly attack against Israel
killing over 1,000 Israeli and Palestinians, some of whom were children.
Graphic images of war and its casualties have spread across social media and
TV. Especially on social media, the images are very graphic, explicit and
disturbing. Children have likely seen modern day images of war from the Russian
Ukraine war which began in 2022.
As children are back in school and aware of
what is going in the world around them, mental health experts like NYC Neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez
believe it is imperative for parents to communicate with their children
starting at whatever age they are cognizant enough to know that war is being
waged in Israel. How do you have these discussions and what is age
appropriate?
Dr. Sanam Hafeez of Comprehend the Mind provides a guide for parents
Consider their age and maturity:
Tailor
your conversation to the child's age and level of understanding. Younger
children may need simpler explanations, while older children can handle more
complex discussions.
Find an appropriate time and place:
Choose
a quiet and comfortable setting where you can have a focused conversation
without distractions.
Listen
first:
Ask
your child what they know or have heard about war. Encourage them to share
their thoughts and feelings. This will help you understand their perspective
and address their specific concerns.
Use simple and honest language:
Explain
the concept of war in simple terms, using age-appropriate language. Be honest
but avoid graphic details or unnecessary information that might be distressing.
Be calm and reassuring:
Children
may feel scared or anxious about the idea of war. Reassure them that they are
safe and that you will do everything you can to protect them.
Provide historical context:
If
the child is older, you can give them some historical context about past wars
and conflicts. Explain that wars have occurred throughout history but also
emphasize that there are efforts to prevent and resolve conflicts peacefully.
Emphasize empathy and tolerance:
Teach
your child about the importance of empathy, understanding, and tolerance.
Explain that wars often result from misunderstandings and differences between
people and that it's essential to promote peace and unity.
Address questions and concerns:
Encourage
your child to ask questions and express their concerns. Answer their questions
honestly, but avoid speculating about the future or making unrealistic
promises.
Limit exposure to disturbing media:
In
today's digital age, children may come across distressing images or news about
war on television, social media, or the internet. Monitor their media
consumption and ensure they are exposed to age-appropriate content.
READ MORE: Answering our kid’s questions about violence in the world
Offer coping strategies:
Teach
children healthy ways to cope with stress and anxiety, such as deep breathing
exercises, drawing, writing, or talking to a trusted adult.
Reiterate your love and support:
Remind
your child that you love them and will always be there to support and protect
them. Emphasize the importance of family and community in times of uncertainty.
Encourage positive actions:
Inspire
your child to take positive actions, such as volunteering, supporting
charities, or learning about conflict resolution, to make the world a better
place.
Teach About Misinformation
Parents
should also inform children about misinformation, which is certainly everywhere
in war and on social media. Explain to your child the meaning of 'gossip' and
how people or entities benefit from it. Cite examples that might occur in your
child’s school regarding how 'fake news' might be spread about a student, a
sports team or a teacher.
Depending on the age of the child, parents can
explain the meaning of “clickbait” and how to recognize it. Parents should also
ask their kids where they typically go for information. Explain to them that
some websites are purposely satirical, and why that satire exists.
Project Look Sharp," a non-profit dedicated to media literacy, has devised
questions to help older kids evaluate online information.
Show me what's scary'
Ask
your child to show you images or videos that he or she deems scary online or on
social media, Ask them what elements they find scary. If the child perceives
these videos or photos as scary, ask why they are drawn to them in the first
place. Kids may not know they can "hide" material on social media
that they find offensive or upsetting. As their parent, show them how this can
be done so they can have a less triggering social media experience.
Dr. Sanam Hafeez is a New York City based Neuropsychologist
and School Psychologist. She is also the founder and director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological
Services, P.C. She is currently a teaching faculty
member at Columbia University.
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