So much of parenting consists
of trying to get your child to do what’s best for them. But are we, as parents,
always clear on what’s best for our kids? No, we are not.
Sometimes we push and push
and only after recovering from a crisis or a meltdown do we acquire the
perspective to see we were wasting time and energy attempting to get our
offspring to do something we actually want for ourselves, or something that is
actually not right for them at all.
Years may pass before a child will say, “I never actually wanted to do that. I
was miserable doing that.”
Parenting for Brain wants to help you avoid these missteps. They begin by defining motivation:
Intrinsic motivation refers
to doing an activity for its inherent enjoyment rather than for a separable
outcome.
Extrinsic motivation refers
to doing an activity, not for its inherent enjoyment but instead for a
separable outcome.
A parent’s goal should be to
help a child fill their life with as much intrinsic
motivation as possible. Whatever a child engages in with intrinsic
motivation, they will remember and internalize it.
Extrinsic motivation, simply
put, is “carrot and stick,” for example, “You do your homework and I will give
you ice cream.” The hope being that your child will associate doing homework
with something they like, and eventually just do the homework, and activities
like homework, without a promise of some reward. You want them to be
autonomous. But, according to Parenting for Brain, “Rewards, praises, and
punishment will not inspire someone to become intrinsically interested in the
activity. It does the opposite.”
RELATED: Help for the underachiever
But that’s not to dismiss
extrinsic motivation. Parenting for Brain makes quite a few suggestions for
getting a child interested in something they are not intrinsically interested
in. These suggestions include:
- Pique
their curiosity in a new skill by showing them the different uses of it.
- Let
children choose among activities without pressure.
- Celebrate
success milestones together (but do not over-praise or praise
conditionally).
- Be
supportive, provide constructive feedback, not criticism, that can enhance a
sense of competence.
- When
children are stuck at a problem, help them view it as a “challenge they can
conquer”, not a “difficulty they need to overcome”
Ultimately, getting involved
is key. And as hard as it can be to refrain from giving out rewards (or
punishments), you can offer praise, positive feedback or improvement suggestions.
According to Parenting for Brain, all of these can effectively motivate your
child for the future.
Other articles by HVP News Reporters