I have a good friend who,
like all of us, is not only stressed out about Covid-19, she’s also stressed
about making a decision whether or not to travel over the holidays.
Once she
makes that decision, there will be new stress: if she decides her family will visit
relatives, it will be stressful. If she decides not to, the prospect of disappointing
others is stressful. That’s a lot of very unpleasant stress. And when one is
feeling that particular brand of discomfort, it’s hard to think clearly.
Luckily, Murphey Maroney at Popsugar has some very helpful advice on
how to clear your head and do what’s best for you and your family, even friends
and relatives who will be disappointed, or ones who do not take the pandemic
seriously.
Yes, it likely will be an
awkward conversation, but Maroney advises laying it all out, preferences,
boundaries, and fears, from the get-go. Not unlike the age-old wisdom of
ripping off the Band-Aid rather than pulling incrementally, or jumping into the
cool water rather than wading.
Regarding the actual doing, interviewee Dr. Iahn
Gonsenhauser, chief quality and patient safety officer at The Ohio State
University Wexner Medical Center, says to keep it simple.
“This is about your health
and the health and safety of your family and friends,” he says. “You have every
reason to be concerned and even scared. Be specific with regards to what your
perceived risks are and the precautions that you are committed to taking. Would
you prefer a virtual gathering? Be clear about it. Acknowledge differing
opinions and understanding. Be explicit that while your opinion may be
different, you are not willing to accept what you perceive as an increased risk
to your health and safety and that this is not something you are willing to
compromise, nor be convinced otherwise. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs,
but you are not willing to debate yours.”
READ MORE: What are your travel plans for 2021?
If you
decide to visit, but set boundaries others refuse to follow – like masks and
distancing – Gonsenhauser offers a script:
“Unfortunately, we have been
unable to find common ground. My health and safety (and that of my family) are
my number one priority, and your decisions are placing me (us) at risk. If you
are not willing to make a small and temporary compromise in order to allow me
to feel safe and at ease, the answer is no.”
Gonsenhauser strongly
suggests employing this “hard no.” It could be met with resistance, attempts at
manipulation, and threats. (Families!) But there can be great power in the hard
no – also known as the “hard pass” – especially if you repeat it more than
once, without deviation.
Words are powerful, particularly when spoken. Saying: My health and safety (and that of my family)
are my number one priority, and your decisions are placing me (us) at risk can give you the strength to get through, whether it’s talking to your direct
family about why you’re not traveling, or talking to relatives who pressure you
to ignore your own interests.
As hard as it may seem to
realize when you’re stressed, sticking to your guns is probably the best thing
you can do to have actual happy holidays.
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