Hot Topics     Home and Family     Teen Health    

How to handle your kids mess ups without shaming



One mom shares her story on how she handles them

How to handle your kids mess ups without shaming

Writing for Scary MommyRachel Garlinghouse tells how she talks about she handles her daughter's mess ups.

On a busy school morning and on their way out the door, her daughter decides she needs her hair fixed. Mom quickly pulls it into a ponytail and finishes packing lunches and heads the kids out the door. In the car Garlinghouse notices the hair is down and asks her daughter why. Her child glares at her and says that it looked bad.

It made Garlinghouse slightly angry that she had taken the time out of her busy morning to accommodate her daughter, but decides not to reply to keep the mood positive on the way to school. 

She says that sometimes you just have to realize that they are stuck in these tough years of being tweens and teens and the angst just comes along with it. Just about anything can set kids of these ages off and you just have to take a deep breath and try not to let it get to you.

Lecturing can be a knee-jerk reaction, but communicating with your child works out better. Her family practices connective parenting which is essentially waiting for your child to cool down before addressing their behavior.


So, how are you supposed to respond? Ask a question like "What do you think happened?" and they are more likely to reflect on the situation instead of becoming defensive. It also gives them a chance to offer solutions. You can follow up with "What can you do differently next time?" and build some problem-solving skills while they're at it.

If they have hurt someone, the child is expected to make amends. Ask your child what they can do to fix what they have done. Often an apology or a similar action is the answer.

Bad grades don't need to punished. Reflection on doing better and sometimes just seeing that huge bad grade plastered on their paper in enough to remind them to do better. It's all about making them take responsibility for their actions. No blaming others for what they did.

Pausing for a moment, reflection and forgiveness go a long way in raising children. Stand your ground and keep communication open and eveyone will make through these tough times.



Other articles by HVP News Reporters


  • 7 ways to creatively display favorite photos

    Showcase those pics of your adorable family

    Family photos, vacation pictures, candid snapshots of friends and family – they’re often visual representations of some of your most treasured moments, so it’s likely you’ll want to give them some special treatment. read more »
  • 3 energy-saving home improvement ideas

    Make an impact on your energy bills

    Making improvements around the house to curb energy usage is not only good for the environment, it can make a big impact on your utility bills, too. read more »
  • How to improve your home's look with wallpaper

    Add instant flair to your room

    To understand the mood of a room, look no further than its walls. Wallpaper can add instant texture and flair, and today’s DIY-friendly options make it easy to create inspired spaces with little fuss. read more »
  • Understanding 'Warning Strokes'

    What to expect if you experience stroke symptoms, even if they disappear

    Diagnosing a transient ischemic attack (TIA), sometimes called a “warning stroke,” can be challenging because symptoms often disappear within an hour. However, it’s important to seek emergency assessment to help prevent a full-blown stroke. read more »
  • Managing your family's year-round health

    Protect everyone from infectious diseases

    According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), vaccines help create protective antibodies that fight off infections. read more »
  • What to know about Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension

    treatment can help control symptoms and improve quality of life

    Each year, an estimated 500-1,000 people nationwide are diagnosed with pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH). While there’s currently no cure, treatment can help control symptoms and improve quality of life. read more »
  • Bring back family bonding this fall

    3 ways to free up busy schedules to spend time with loved ones

    Busy fall schedules often leave little time for the things that matter most – sharing special moments with those you love. This year, as time seems to speed up during another school year, making family bonding a priority in your household can start with a few simple tricks. read more »
  • Top tips for a more organized kitchen

    Save time and money

    Better organization in the kitchen means spending less time searching for the right ingredient or tool so you can have more time for savoring meals with family and friends, and more time for personal pursuits. read more »
  • 6 small, kind gestures to make a big impact each day

    Performing acts of kindness improves individual well-being

    Everywhere you look, you can see moments of kindness. From a friend sending a thoughtful text message to a stranger holding the bus for someone running late or a person paying for someone else’s coffee, acts of kindness happen every day. read more »
  • Keeping babies safe

    Tips to help prevent some of the biggest dangers

    Tips to help prevent some of the biggest dangers for babies include safe sleeping habits, product recalls, baby proofing & car safety read more »