Hot Topics     Home and Family     Teen Health    

How to handle your kids mess ups without shaming



One mom shares her story on how she handles them

How to handle your kids mess ups without shaming

Writing for Scary Mommy, Rachel Garlinghouse tells how she talks about she handles her daughter's mess ups.

On a busy school morning and on their way out the door, her daughter decides she needs her hair fixed. Mom quickly pulls it into a ponytail and finishes packing lunches and heads the kids out the door. In the car Garlinghouse notices the hair is down and asks her daughter why. Her child glares at her and says that it looked bad.

It made Garlinghouse slightly angry that she had taken the time out of her busy morning to accommodate her daughter, but decides not to reply to keep the mood positive on the way to school. 

She says that sometimes you just have to realize that they are stuck in these tough years of being tweens and teens and the angst just comes along with it. Just about anything can set kids of these ages off and you just have to take a deep breath and try not to let it get to you.

Lecturing can be a knee-jerk reaction, but communicating with your child works out better. Her family practices connective parenting which is essentially waiting for your child to cool down before addressing their behavior.


So, how are you supposed to respond? Ask a question like "What do you think happened?" and they are more likely to reflect on the situation instead of becoming defensive. It also gives them a chance to offer solutions. You can follow up with "What can you do differently next time?" and build some problem-solving skills while they're at it.

If they have hurt someone, the child is expected to make amends. Ask your child what they can do to fix what they have done. Often an apology or a similar action is the answer.

Bad grades don't need to punished. Reflection on doing better and sometimes just seeing that huge bad grade plastered on their paper in enough to remind them to do better. It's all about making them take responsibility for their actions. No blaming others for what they did.

Pausing for a moment, reflection and forgiveness go a long way in raising children. Stand your ground and keep communication open and eveyone will make through these tough times.



Other articles by HVP News Reporters


  • What parents should know about Pediatric Growth Hormone Deficiency (PGHD)

    Pediatric growth hormone deficiency (GHD) is a relatively rare condition, affecting an estimated 1 in 4,000-10,000 children. read more »
  • Simplify summer with light lunches

    Bright, crunchy cucumbers are the star of this sammy

    Take the hassle out of lunch with these Cucumber Sandwiches that can be made in advance for afternoon pick-me-ups. read more »
  • Thinking about renovating?

    Check with your building department first

    From updating an outdated kitchen to adding a home office, home renovations can be exciting. Before you dive in, it’s critical to understand the local safety requirements that impact your projects. read more »
  • Your home safety checklist

    Simple steps to keep a safer, happier space

    Your home is more than just a place to live, it’s where you create memories, unwind and feel most comfortable. Yet, many household items and systems can hide potential safety risks. read more »
  • 4,000 reasons to love bees

    These little pollinators are essential to our food supply

    While most people picture the beloved honeybee when they think about bees, North America actually has 4,000 species of native bees, many of which are busy right now. read more »
  • Laying the foundation for writing

    What you can do to get them started

    Learning to write is one of the defining milestones of early childhood, but it doesn’t happen all at once. read more »
  • Choose play every day

    How to transform everyday activities into playful learning opportunities

    Play is a universal language spoken by people of all ages. Through play, children learn to forge connections with others, build a wide range of leadership skills, develop resilience, conquer fears and navigate relationships and social challenges. read more »
  • Find Your Adventure - June Outdoor Happenings

    Celebrate Get Outdoors & Get Together Day!

    Free events across the state to try a new skill and enjoy the outdoors at Get Outdoors & Get Together Day, a day of inclusion for all people at New York’s accessible Parks and DEC lands. read more »
  • Save a life from stroke

    Tips from the American Stroke Association

    Strokes can happen to anyone, at any age – even young people. Despite being one of the leading causes of death and long-term disability in the United States, strokes are largely preventable, treatable and beatable – if you can control your risk factors. read more »
  • Take steps now to protect your vision

    Regular eye exams are the best thing you can do

    Your quality of life and overall well-being depend on developing healthy habits. These practices are essential to your eye health. read more »