Hot Topics     Home and Family     Healthy Kids     Teen Health     Health Guide    

From boys to compassionate, resilient men



Outmoded gender roles are a no-no

Outmoded gender roles are a no-no


Writing for Fatherly, Andrew Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men, shares multiple studies that link increased mental health problems among boys and young men to outmoded gender expectations. As maturing individuals, males are still expected to always appear strong, invulnerable, capable, independent. Tough it out. Man up. Take it like a man. Boys don’t cry. These pressures can, and do, lead to despair and a devastating sense of isolation, which, in turn, leads to depression, anxiety, even suicide.

Reiner urges parents of infant boys to be mindful of giving them the same emotional attention as girls. Interestingly, according to Reiner, parents most often don’t even realize they’re depriving baby boys until someone points out that they sing more to girls, hold them more, use bigger words, share vulnerabilities, and offer tenderness. He says parents fear raising “incompetent” men, softies, often whether they know it or not.

Reiner espouses “a masculine identity that permits access to the full range of their human emotions.”

He writes: “Boys ages eight through 15 want to think of themselves as ‘helpful, kind, smart,’ among other qualities. They describe a ‘good man’ as helpful, nice, caring. Perhaps the thing boys want above all else was summed up in the ‘State of Gender Equality…’ report: Nearly half of the respondents wanted permission to learn about the ‘right to feel any way you want, and it doesn’t matter what people think.’”

READ MORE: Toxic phrases to avoid saying to boys

Reiner implores parents – and society – to ditch the impulse to disconnect boys from emotions. According to research, boys actually do better when provided with a ‘relational anchor’ that helps them keep anger in check, offers aid to keep them from turning inward, and self-harming.

Crucially, he gives concrete advice to parents and caregivers: “It’s not that boys don’t want to talk about what they want and need from us,” he writes. “We are often the ones that don’t want to talk about it. If we want to raise compassionate, resilient men who are accountable to themselves, to others and who can rise to the changing needs of a culture that values emotional honesty – if we really want to raise competent men – then we need to listen to and understand boys.

We can start by meeting boys where they are and following their lead, not ours. They’re waiting for our permission to grow into the type of men they want to be and that we need them to be.”



Other articles by HVP News Reporters


  • Get Hooked on Fishing, Not Drugs

    Third Annual Orange County District Attorney’s Office Youth Fishing Derby

    The Third District Attorney’s Office Youth Fishing Derby will run from April 1 through Sept. 4, 2023. The event is open to young people between the ages of 4 and 18 who are children or grandchildren of Orange County residents. read more »
  • Kids aren't eating fruits and veggies

    Happiest Baby's Dr. Harvey Karp has tips to change that

    A new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that approximately 32% of 1- to 5-year-olds did not eat a single piece of fruit a day and nearly one half (~49%) didn't eat any vegetables a day. Roughly 51% drank a sugar-sweetened beverage, like fruit drinks or soda, at least once a week. read more »
  • 5 sleep habits essential for heart health

    Make sure you get your zzz's with these tips

    In the days following a time change due to daylight saving time, research shows a marked increase in heart attacks and strokes. However, losing sleep anytime can be a major risk factor for cardiovascular disease. read more »
  • Take these 6 steps to manage your blood pressure

    Hypertension can be dangerous

    High blood pressure, also known as hypertension, affects nearly half of adults in the United States, and only about 1 in 4 with this condition have it under control, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). read more »
  • Make your St. Patrick's Day spread green with envy

    These open-faced noshes can be perfect for lunch, snack time or an appetizer

    Freshen up your St. Patrick’s Day menu with easy, light sandwiches inspired by the traditional color of the festivities. These open-faced noshes can be perfect for lunch, snack time or even as an appetizer for get-togethers with friends and family. read more »
  • Lucky mint brownie perfection

    A twisted combination of mint and sweet chocolate

    How lucky you must be to come across this recipe just in time for St. Patrick’s Day. This one is a twisted combination of mint and sweet chocolate that’s sure to have almost anyone’s taste buds screaming “yum.” This dessert might just be the pot of gold at the end of your rainbow this year. read more »
  • 3 ways parents can encourage social emotional learning in children

    Parents focus on social emotional skills, mental health, kindness and understanding differences

    Most parents would agree the quality of their children’s education plays a key role in their overall development. While parents are optimistic about the future of education, they also recognize children have educational needs beyond what is considered the standard. read more »
  • Selecting a health care provider

    Resources to guide your selection

    Getting health care for yourself or a loved one is a big responsibility, especially if you’re just getting started with Medicare or have changes in your life, such as a new diagnosis of a condition or disease. It can be overwhelming if you need services like nursing home care, have to find a new doctor or get home health care. read more »
  • 5 simple solutions for proper nasal hygiene

    Keep your nasal passages clean, clear and moisturized

    Your nose is essential for conditioning the air you breathe and serves as the first line of defense against dust, pollution, bacteria, viruses and more. The presence of these substances in your nasal passages can trigger infections, disease and illness. read more »
  • Have a bump on your foot?

    Don’t ignore it

    Have a lump or bump on your foot? Whether it’s painful or not, it could potentially signal a serious condition. Foot and ankle surgeons warn it’s important to have it checked out, no matter its size or location on your foot. read more »