Real Talk     Home     Teen Health     Health Guide    

"Mom, when should I go to the gynecologist?"



Moms and doctors discuss a girl's first OB-GYN appointment

Moms and doctors discuss a girl's first OB-GYN appointment

Since your daughter was born, the pediatrician has been able to answer all of your medical questions about her. Now, as your daughter matures and reaches puberty, you both may be wondering: when is the right time to see the gynecologist?

Many mothers feel in the dark regarding when and how to go about this process without causing stress and anxiety for their daughter (and themselves).

How old is old enough
"When is the right age?" asks Poughkeepsie mom, Rachel Daley, voicing the same concern as most mom's with teenage daughters.  

"There's not one answer to that question," states Dr. Robin Karpfen, MD, FACOG, head of the Obstetrics and Gynecology division at Crystal Run Healthcare.

Girls should visit a gynecologist for the first time between the ages of 13-15, according to The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists,. However, this age bracket does not fit in all cases and is considered more of a guideline for parents rather than a requirement.  

"Every exam is tailored to each young woman," says Dr. Karpfen. This includes the age in which they feel ready for the visit. Factors that may jump-start the scheduling of a gynecology appointment could be the beginning of menstruation, interest in learning more about reproductive health, or experiencing menstrual concerns.  But the tell-tale sign that your daughter is ready to see an OB-GYN will most likely come directly from her, whether outright state stated or by showing increased interest in the topic.

For moms looking for a way to begin an open forum with their daughters, Dr. Karpfen suggests bringing up the topic of reproductive health at your daughter's pediatricians appointment around the time she begins puberty. Starting this conversation with your daughter and a health professional she's familiar with can be useful for both moms and daughters to figure out when the time is right.

If you're still unsure about your daughter's readiness, Dr. Karpfen says, "Sixteen is good, without any pressing issues earlier."

READ MORE: Is your teen becoming self-centered?

What to expect
"A lot of the appointment is going to be discussion," explains Dr. Karpfen when describing a typical first gynecology appointment. "A lot of information, opinions and questions."

When a young woman arrives at the OB-GYN for her first visit, she will most likely feel some anxiety. Knowing this, Dr. Karpfen encourages starting off the appointment with information and conversation.  

A variety of topics will be addressed at your daughter's appointment to spark any primary questions or concerns. Dr. Karpfen acknowledges that subject matter will vary from reproductive health and contraceptives, to even social media and peer pressure.

Physical exams will vary depending on the purpose of your daughter's visit. "Breast exams are expected", says Dr. Karpfen. Educating women on self-breast exams is critical to teach at a young age and opens up an opportunity for your daughter to begin asking more in-depth questions about her body.

Pelvic exams, however, are not to be expected on the first visit if your daughter expresses no immediate concerns.

"The appointment is not about invading," encourages Dr. Karpfen, "It's about starting a conversation."

READ MORE: How to deal with mean girls

Preparation is key  
Preparing for your daughter's first appointment days before arriving at the office may significantly ease feelings of anxiety and stress.

For professional resources to reference, Dr. Karpfen recommends exploring the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology website for patient information. This section has several online pamphlets available on a variety of different topics specific to teens.

If you're unsure about what resources to review, your physicians will be more than willing to provide pamphlets they have available on subjects your daughter may find helpful for preparation. "We have a ton of information available in the office for patients," states Dr. Karpfen.

"I think it's best to share as much information as possible beforehand," says Rosendale mom, Tina Long, when looking back on her daughter's first appointment. Sharing personal stories with your daughter of your OB-GYN experiences can also help reduce anxiety says Long, finding her daughter very receptive to this strategy.

READ MORE: Is your daughter developing early?

Respect privacy
So, the time is here, the appointment was scheduled, you're sitting in the waiting room, and the nurse calls your daughter's name. The next question arises- do you go in with her?

For some mothers who have a tight bond with their daughters, the question may not seem like a question at all. However, Long and her daughter, Megan (now 28) are in agreement that you should respect your daughter's privacy by asking beforehand.

"We have always had a very close and open relationship so I figured she would want me there," states Long. "But that was not for me to decide." As significant as this appointment is for you as a mom, this benchmark can be equally as important for your daughter on her journey into womanhood.

"Make sure you give your daughter the choice to have you in the room," says Megan. It is scary, and she may want you there, but you want her to have the best care, so she needs to be able to be totally honest with her doctor."

From a physician's perspective, Dr. Karpfen reports preferring to have the moms present during the first portion of the exam to provide details about the family history and surgical health. However, after this, Dr. Karpfen admits she will ask the mothers to leave to talk privately with their daughter.

"It affords a young patient the opportunity to say and ask questions they didn't even know they felt uncomfortable asking about in front of parents," encourages Dr. Karpfen. If the moms feel left out, Karpfen leaves an option to regroup later in the appointment.

READ MORE: Tips to boost your daughter's self esteem

Include your daughter in the process
When choosing an OB-GYN for your daughter, it may not initially occur to moms to include their daughters in the decision making process. Megan states that skipping this step can be a huge mistake.

"It's important for moms not to assume that their daughters will feel comfortable going to their choice of doctors," says Megan regarding her first appointment. "My mom's doctor was a male and as a teen that freaked me out."

Your daughter will appreciate the gesture of being involved when choosing a physician. If she is comfortable from the beginning, chances are better for positive ongoing care.

Physicians and parents alike agree- talking to your daughter is the best start to scheduling and preparing for her first gynecology appointment.

By keeping communication open, respecting your daughter's privacy and always providing emotional support, Long reassures moms, "You will know when it is time."


Michelle Peterson is a freelance writer living in Poughkeepsie with her spouse and two sons. She's most recently pursued her dream of writing full-time, with the support of her loving family and a great deal of coffee.


More Real Talk


  • How to prevent cyberbullying with technology

    Who is at risk and what you can do

    Cyberbullying is becoming more prevalent among children and teens, as young people now spend more time on phones, computers and digital devices. About 6 in 10 teens have been bullied or harassed online, according to Pew Research Center. read more »
  • Teenage Period Cramps

    How much pain alerts to medical conditions?

    More often than not prevailing period stigma holds adolescents back from expressing concerns about severe menstrual pains. Experts say that debilitating cramps are not normal and might be caused by underlying medical problems like endometriosis. read more »
  • Mother Shares Her Journey with Heroin-Addicted Daughter

    Read the gripping new book about this family

    September is National Recovery Month and one mom has shared her journey with her daughter struggling with addiction. read more »
  • Learn How to Help Your Struggling Adolescents Navigate Change and Overcome Anxiety

    Parenting expert Erica Komisar has a new book that can assist you

    Adolescence is a notoriously complicated time for kids as well as their parents. Plus, the epidemic of mental health disorders in young people has made parenting today even more challenging. But it’s not too late. Parents of adolescents can still have a profound impact on the health and well-being of their children. read more »
  • How to help high-achieving students manage stress

    Tips and insight for parents

    School administrators at Howard County Public Schools (HCPS) in Maryland were surprised to learn that high-achieving students wanted to get rid of class rank—a measure of student success that weighs higher-level classes differently when calculating grade point average. The class ranking system created an unnecessary burden, students said, and discouraged them from taking the classes they really wanted. read more »
  • Tips to keep your teen active in lockdown

    Physical activity is more crucial than ever

    Wintertime isolation during Covid makes physical activity even more of a challenge, but it’s important for everyone, especially teens, to get the blood flowing, here are some helpful tips. read more »
  • Best uses of downtime for teens

    Does your teen feel better after downtime or worse?

    All downtime is not created equal. Some is more restorative, some not so much. Learn how you can help your teen rest well. read more »
  • Teen attitude blues

    Why is my teen depressed and what can I do about it?

    The teen years can be distinctly difficult for a variety of reasons, particularly if your teen has a bad attitude. Here are some ways you can better understand and help your teen. read more »
  • How mindfulness can help your stressed teen

    Everyone take a deep breath. You all will feel better

    Teens report more stress than adults, a fact that will surprise no one. This article includes some helpful ways to cope. read more »
  • How do I know what boundaries to set for my teen

    Definitely not easy to pick your battles

    Teens are hardwired to test limits. This article includes some helpful tips on how best to meet the challenges or to let things go. read more »