Dr. Aldrich Chan, Neuropsychologist
Dealing with difficult family members during
Thanksgiving can be challenging, but navigating these situations with patience
and understanding is possible. Dr.
Aldrich Chan is a neuropsychologist who shares some strategies
to help you manage difficult family dynamics during the holiday:
1. Set Boundaries: Clearly establish your personal boundaries
and communicate them if necessary. Let family members know what behavior is
unacceptable and what you are willing to tolerate.
2. Stay Calm: When faced with difficult family members,
try to remain calm and composed. Avoid escalating conflicts by keeping your
emotions in check.
3. Empathize: Try to understand the perspectives and
emotions of the difficult family member. Empathy can help defuse tense
situations and lead to more productive conversations.
4. Active Listening: Give the difficult family member a chance to
express themselves. Actively listen to their concerns or frustrations, even if
you don't agree with them. This can help them feel heard and understood.
5. Avoid Triggers: Be mindful of topics that trigger conflict
or arguments, and steer clear of them. Focus on neutral or positive subjects to
keep the atmosphere pleasant.
6. Change the Subject: If a conversation is becoming contentious,
change the subject to something more neutral or positive. This can redirect the
focus and alleviate tension.
7. Deflect Criticism: If you're the target of criticism or
negativity, respond with a deflecting, positive comment or simply change the
subject. Avoid engaging in a defensive or confrontational manner.
READ MORE: 5 tips to help families manage holiday stress
8. Offer Compliments: Compliments and expressions of gratitude can
go a long way in diffusing tension. Acknowledge and appreciate the positive
qualities of your family members.
9. Take Breaks: If you find a conversation escalating or if
you feel overwhelmed, take a short break. Step outside or into another room to
regroup and calm yourself.
10. Limit Alcohol: Alcohol can lower inhibitions and sometimes
exacerbate conflicts. Be mindful of your alcohol consumption, and encourage
others to do the same.
11. Be a Peacemaker: If you're comfortable doing so, try to
mediate between family members in conflict. Encourage understanding and
compromise and help them find common ground.
12. Lead by Example: Model respectful and positive behavior for
other family members. Your demeanor can set the tone for the gathering.
13. Avoid the Blame Game: Avoid blaming or criticizing difficult
family members, as this is unlikely to lead to a productive resolution. Focus
on solutions and understanding instead.
14. Gratitude: Remind everyone of the purpose of
Thanksgiving: to express gratitude and come together as a family. Encourage
family members to focus on what they're thankful for.
15. Seek Support: If you're struggling to manage a difficult
family situation, consider seeking advice or support from a therapist or
counselor.
Ultimately, it's important to approach difficult
family members with patience and a willingness to foster understanding.
Remember that you cannot control their behavior, but you can control your own
reactions and responses. By staying composed, empathetic, and focused on the
positive aspects of the holiday, you can help create a more harmonious
Thanksgiving gathering.
Dr. Aldrich Chan, Neuropsychologist
www.drchancnc.com
Dr. Chan is a Neuropsychologist, author of the
award-winning book Reassembling Models of Reality published in the prestigious
Interpersonal Neurobiology Series and founder of the Center for Neuropsychology
and Consciousness (CNC), a practice in Miami, Florida that provides
neuropsychological and psychological services. In addition to his
practice, he was sought out to teach as an Adjunct Professor for the Doctoral
program (rank #5 Best Psy.D. program) and Masters (rank #1, Best Online Masters
program) at Pepperdine University. In the Masters program, he is acting as
Course Lead (i.e. course design, teaching, and management of other professors).
His lectures cover the fields of neuropsychology, psychotherapy, consciousness,
affective neuroscience, interpersonal neurobiology, and cognitive psychology.
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