It can be
jarring when someone speaks their mind, because our culture encourages keeping
objections to ourselves to maintain the status quo. We often don’t realize we’re self-silencing until after the
fact.
Women, in
particular, are encouraged not to speak out. So when a woman speaks up, especially
if she’s expressing a feminist attitude, that goes against the grain of an accepted sexist
situation, it can be an even bigger risk and can cause quite a stir.
Yet a
University of Georgia study indicates that daughters who are raised by and are around
women who speak their minds have better relationships and better mental health
in general. And mothers whose daughters are in good relationships have better
mental health, too. So, according to this study, stirring certain things up, may
possibly be awkward in the short term, but it can have long-term mental health
benefits across the board.
Although
not part of the study, I daresay even the men, with whom these daughters and
mothers live, ultimately benefit from feminist women speaking their truths and
using their voices confidently.
Two strong-willed women raised me – my mother
and maternal grandmother – and they were notorious for speaking and acting
their minds, come what may (and a lot came down, incidentally). And I have
lived most of my adult life in a feminist household, raised a son in that
house, where articulating one’s mind can sometimes cause friction. Yet there’s
never been a “moment of truth,” whether intentional or accidental, that I
regret.
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For UGA Today, Heather Skyler writes:
“The study revealed that a mother’s feminist attitudes impact her daughter’s
‘voice’ – and her ability to speak her mind in close relationships. And
daughters with a stronger ability to speak their minds have better mental
health too, according to the study.”
The mutual
benefit of mothers and daughters freely using their voice and, not
self-silencing, is known as “reciprocal socialization.”
The
study’s lead author, Analisa Arroyo, associate professor in UGA’s Franklin
College of Arts and Sciences, says, “A mother seeing her daughter use her voice
and speak her mind can be inspiring and motivating to mothers.”
And mothers and daughters
enjoying “reciprocal socialization” affect those beyond that one relationship,
especially other parents.
As a son raised in a feminist household, I saw other
moms inspired by my both my mother’s and my grandmother’s truth-telling. And
even if these other moms were more scared than surprised – which happened –
they still seemed more appreciative than afraid. It has remained my hope that
my home carries on that tradition.
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