The pandemic has been a
difficult time for all of us, but particularly for teenagers, the so-called
Generation Z. A distressed Gen Z kid recently posted on social media, “Are we
called Gen Z BECAUSE WE’RE THE LAST GENERATION?” He was only half-kidding.
In a
comprehensive New York Times article, Jessica Grose points out the distinctive struggles of teens, who
are in significant developmental stages. She presents and offers parents
helpful how-to’s to connect about what’s troubling them.
As she
puts it: “I have long thought that when it comes to being a parent in the
pandemic, it might be the hardest for parents of teenagers. Parents of little
ones can meet most of our children’s social needs, and our kids still kind
of want to be around us. Not so for parents of teens.”
Lisa
Damour, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and the author of The New York Times’ Adolescence column, concurs: “Pandemic
conditions are at cross currents with normal adolescent development.” The driving
forces of development for middle and high schoolers are both curtailed by the
virus: increased independence over time, and being with one’s peers.
READ MORE: Mental health tips for COVID-era teens
Interestingly,
teens surveyed in the early days of the pandemic seemed remarkably OK.
Researchers say this suggests it’s because they were getting more sleep in
quarantine. But of late, not so much. This is especially true if a family is
having trouble getting healthy food. Depression rates are ticking up
significantly, as are worries about eating disorders. As with adults, stress in
teens can be cumulative.
How can
parents meet these challenges head-on? Whatever the situation, whether it’s
arguments over screen time, over safety protocols, or house cleanup issues, Dr.
Damour advises role playing, even if it feels corny.
“Say to
your teen: ‘Let me try to articulate it from your perspective,’ and really try
to express their point of view. You should even stop and ask, ‘What am I
missing? What am I not getting here?’ And then, allow your teen to do the same
back to you.
Dr. Damour
says this exercise can “pave the way to a solution.” It can get everyone at
least a little unstuck in their perspectives, and more important than anything,
offer a chance to connect in real time, something that is now scientifically
proven to help alleviate pandemic stress: talking in real time.