The pandemic has led to a decrease in options for kids, plus
a higher level of anxiety for both kids and adults. California-based counselor
Suzanne Grimmesy offers advice for divorced or separated parents as they
navigate this challenging period.
Communication
Parents need to communicate more than ever, as clearly and
consistently as possible. Even if the two of you don't agree on some aspects of
child-rearing, you have to work out compromises and decide what's best for the
kids. Focus on problem-solving, not winning arguments. Reply to all messages
from your co-parent without a long delay, whether it's a phone call, email, or
text message.
Scheduling
The schedule you've adopted for joint custody may have to be
adjusted to accommodate the children's needs and the parents' work schedule.
HealthyChildren.org suggests parents consider such questions as:
- Does one parent have better Internet access for remote
schooling?
- Does one parent have a job that involves more contact with
the public and therefore more risk for household members?
- Is there a household member in a high-risk group,
healthwise?
- Does one home offer more space, privacy, or access to
outdoor exercise, given social-distancing needs?
Be flexible as you determine what changes to make. If
quarantine means the kids don't get to see one of the parents in person,
schedule regular online visits to maintain the relationship. Plan on setting
aside time when restrictions are relaxed so the non-custodial parent can spend
more time with children.
Patience
The whole family is likely to be under stress, especially
with the new school year starting, uncertainty about the future, the loss of
old structures in daily life. Make allowances for both parents and kids, and
don't hold onto frustrations. We're all struggling.
Acknowledge resilience
We all tend to worry about our kids, but they will survive
and learn from the challenges. Take their needs seriously, but don't allow
worry to dominate your interactions. Express confidence in their resilience and
inner strength.
Self-care
Be sure to take time for yourself. Relax, re-charge, and do
whatever you can to give yourself the capacity to be there when you're needed.
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