Not sure when I first felt that hint of jealousy. I really shouldn’t have because I didn’t even know
you. But we were about to share
something in common……. my son.
I think it might have started when my boss sent me a text
message on maternity leave. Something to
the extent of “just checking to see if you have a projected return date.” I was stalling. Knowing that at the end of the day I had to
go back to work and I was dropping my almost three month old off to you. Guilt plagued me not because I didn’t trust
you but because I was afraid of letting him go and you replacing me as his
mother. I know it sounds absurd. I know biologically he is my son; I carried
him for 9 months (and have the battle scars to prove it) but what scared me the
most was you watching him for the better part of the day and experiencing all
his firsts.
It was easier with my daughter because I had her grandmother
watching her and my husband was also home at that time. It wasn’t the same with a family member playing
the part. This time around I felt I was
opening the door to a woman I barely knew to take on that mommy role.
Months passed and I began to take notice of his interactions
with you. It was his smile towards you,
the way he touched your hair and the ease at which he embraced you. All signs to me that he was happy and content
being with you his other” mother”. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the
word mother, (a noun) can also refer to maternal tenderness or affection. When I finally understood this concept of your
motherly role it was then when the jealousy slowly started to subside and then dissipated.
If I couldn’t be there to tend to my son what better person
than you to take on this huge role. It
wasn’t about all those milestones. I missed
the first time he rolled over, the day he pulled himself up and the new lunch
food he tried. There is something bigger
and better to this arrangement.
The French novelist, George Sand, once said “There is only
one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.” I remember
telling you thank you once and you responded with “For what? You pay me!”
To me it goes beyond those “babysitting duties”. You are a mother, as well to two beautiful
children but yet you still have enough left in your heart to share that love
with my son and for that I am eternally grateful.
However to add some humor to this article (wipe away those
tears!), I do want you to know that neither one of us will hear his first words
of “mama”. Daddy won that one!
Other articles by Karen DeMaio