As the
pandemic slogs on, even siblings who lived in relative harmony prior to
Covid-19 have been clashing more and more. As Catherine Pearson writes in
Huffington Post, “I don’t blame [my children.] We are in each other’s faces all
day long. We are out of our routines. Sometimes I snap at them; sometimes
I let it play out. None of it seems to help. And, goodness, I am sick of their
bickering being the soundtrack of my days.”
Various
experts offer tips, with details varying depending on the age of the
squabblers, and the nature of the conflict. Clinical psychologist Laura
Kastner, author of Getting to Calm, The
Early Years: Cool-headed Strategies for Raising Happy, Caring and Independent
3-7 Year Olds, says to keep in mind Covid-19 is “a disaster,” and that
parents should absolutely recalibrate expectations of harmony. “So put on the
TV,” she says. “Let kids eat junk food. Don’t stress if your home feels messy
and chaotic and your kids are growing increasingly feral. Get through the days
and don’t worry too much about building bad habits.”
READ MORE: Harmonious siblings…is there such a thing?
Psychology
professor Laurie Kramer has some more proactive advice: “You want to help them
stop what they’re doing,” she says. “You might say, ‘Hey, I see the two of you
are having a problem. Let’s take a pause.’ She advises not ignoring sibling
skirmishes, lest kids take it as permission. Specifically, she promotes
learning the “skill of stopping” when temperatures rise. Taking a pause.
(Easier said than done.)
Kastner
advises having each child talk it out, so the feel their feelings are
validated.
The
upshot: screaming at kids to stop, and simply shutting things down are both
counter-productive. And if the conflict is violent or humiliating, all agree
that intervention is key. Children can –
and absolutely should – learn coping skills and conflict strategies as early as
possible. Perhaps the pandemic is the perfect opportunity.
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