Hudson Valley parents share their kids' funniest "birds & bees" comments



What questions or comments have your little ones asked you?

“After seeing a picture while I was pregnant and explaining that he was in there, my son asked ‘Mommy, how did I get in your belly?’ (Insert awkward look here.).” — Crystal Martinez, Hopewell Junction

“My daughter asks all women who have babies if they gave birth to those babies. She also tells them when she gets older she will be having babies! She once asked me why it hurts daddy to get hit in the penis. How's that for awkward?” — Katie Angel, Hopewell Junction

“Our new cat went into heat last week and my daughter couldn't understand why she was acting so bizarre around our older, neutered cat. I had to explain a LOT more about how babies are made than I ever thought I would to my 5-year-old daughter! — Liz Westinghouse, Saugerties

“I had an unfinished tattoo with three stars; two had my kids’ initials and one was blank. My now step-son asked why the last one was blank. I told him for if I have another baby, their initials would go there. Then he asked, ‘Where do babies come from?’ I told him ‘Ask your dad!’” — Holly Kraft, Kingston

“When my 10-year-old son saw me changing his sister’s diaper for the first time, he said, ‘Oh my gosh, she has two butts!’ I was nearly in tears.” — Danielle Garris, Kingston

“We had the ‘Where do babies come from’ talk with our 7-year-old and 10-year-old. We said we found them under a cabbage leaf and brought them inside because they're so cute! My 7-year-old asked, ‘Mommy, can we find a baby brother under the green bean plants? Because cabbage gives my brother gas and I don't want another brother with gas. I just can't take it!’” — Cortney Spencer, Dover Plains

“Our neighbor’s dog came to visit our male dog on his run and before you knew it they were stuck together. And I slipped and said to my hubby, ‘I guess she's pregnant now!’ The questions started rolling in from our daughters, 8 and 5. We told them that when their (the dogs) butts get stuck together, they get pregnant. My girls looked at each other in sheer horror! I had to laugh. But I'm hoping they don't get too close to boys for a while. I’m dreading the real talk.” — Bethany Dennin, Stone Ridge

“When my daughter was 4 or 5, she asked me, ‘Why does Daddy have an extra long sprayer on his vagina? And what are those things behind? Beets?’ I couldn't even contain my laughter. I was in tears. So now we still joke that girls have vaginas and boys have sprayers and beets.” — Adrienne Miller, Saugerties

“My daughter decided on her own at age 3 that she (and her twin sister) grew inside my belly until they just fell out one day and the doctor caught them. Then she answered her own question of, ‘Dad, why do you have a carrot in your pants? Oh wait, I know. It's your belly button growing back.’” — Roxanne Ferber, Saugerties

“I had to get an ultrasound of my neck, and my 4-year-old remembered the last time I had an ultrasound, I was pregnant with her sister. Then she asked, ‘Mom, did you swallow a baby?! Did it get stuck in your throat?!’ She still tells everyone she meets that I swallowed a baby.” — Melanie Codi, Bloomingburg

“My daughter: ‘Can I open and close my vagina?’ Me: ‘Sure, if you want to. Just go in your bedroom.’ From the bedroom I hear, ‘Open, close, open, close.’” — Carolyn Truocchio-Doderer, Newburgh

“My 3-year-old son: ‘Will I get boobies when I grow up?’ Me: ‘No, only ladies get boobies.’ His reply: ‘Hmph no fair!’ (I should add that he was wearing my bra during this conversation!)” — Lindsay Berry, Florida

“My 5-year-old son: ‘Mommy, do you have a penis?’ Me: ‘No, sweetie, I don't.’ Him: ‘What do you have?’ Me: (not ready to have this conversation): ‘Um … not a penis.’ The next day, my son walks into daycare and says, ‘My mom has Not A Penis!’” — Andrea Pincus, Chester

“My son at the age of 6 said, ‘Mamma, I know doctors get babies out, but how do animals, like bears, have their babies in the woods? There aren't any doctors out there for them.’ I was stumped on what to say and I'm a horrible liar so I just flat out told him that they came out of their private area. I will NEVER forget the wide-eyed look of horror on his face!” — Heather Geissler, Walden

“When my daughter was 3 she noticed a boy’s parts for the first time (while I was changing him). Her jaw dropped and she said, ‘He has a wrong thing on his right side! I'm glad God didn't give me wrong parts!’” — Sheena Mathew, Town of Wallkill

“It wasn't so much what my 5-year-old son Fiorello asked, but rather his explanation of, uh, certain occurrences. Fiorello: ‘Mommy, I think I know why my pee-pee gets big.’ Me: (sighing) ‘Why buddy?’ Fiorello: ‘Because I lie, like Pinocchio.’” — Heather LaBruna, Goshen

“My girlfriend and I were having a mom and kids sleep over. I was changing my little boy and her daughter asked ‘Why do boys have tails?’” — Tami Vontelzitlikeitis, Warwick

“I took my 2-year-old with me to return bras to Macy’s and as we walked through the racks to get to the counter he shouted, ‘Mommy, there are boobies all over the place!’” — Danielle Mancuso, Goshen


Have your kids said the funniest things about the birds & the bees? Have something to add to the list? Email them to our editor!


More from Hudson Valley Parent's staff:

“'Do babies come out of your tushy?' 'And why don’t men have big boobs?' Also, my son recently announced, 'My private parts were made in China!'” — Kimberly Mayer, media advisor

"I have a twin brother and when were around 2 going on 3 years old, our mom was coming to the conclusion that though it was incredibly time effective, bath time was going to have to be separate for the two of us. This was solidified when during our next bath, my brother Jesse turns to our mother with an incredibly perplexed and concerned look and asks, 'Mommy, why did hers fall off? ….. Is mine going to?!'" — Elizabeth Grace, media advisor

"My youngest child's newest favorite phrase is 'Pee pee comes from my penis!' which he likes to shout from the top of his lungs in the most embarrassing places. A few weeks ago, I was walking into the food store when he decided to start chanting the phrase as loud as he could. My oldest turned to me and said, 'Why do I have a penis and you don't?' just as we were entering the store." — Pamela Perry, community liaison

"Sorry to disappoint, but I’m from the South. We’re not allowed to ask about sex, think about sex, or have sex!" — Brittany Morgan, executive assistant to the publisher

"When I was about 13 years old, my dad, my 8-year-old brother and I were watching a cowboys and Indians saga on TV. The Indians raided the village while the cowboys were away and the major concern was would the women be having Indian babies. My brother asked how they knew that. My dad got up to leave the room saying, 'You tell him.'" — Terrie Goldstein, publisher