Hot Topics     Home and Family     Healthy Kids     Early Education     K-12    

The benefits of asking your children open-ended questions



Tips on how to get more than one-word answers

Benefits of asking children open-ended questions


Most parents have had the frustrating experience of asking their children questions and receiving one-word answers: “What did you do at school today?” The answer: “Nothing.”

We want to engage our kids in conversation that lets us know what they’re thinking, how they’re feeling and whether or not they need support of some kind. So, it’s difficult to hit one-word dead ends.

But there is hope. You can teach your children to engage in conversation and open up to you by asking them open-ended questions. And the younger your child is when you begin to do this, the better.

Why Open-ended Questions?

Big, open-ended questions that can have a thousand answers support your child’s language development as well as critical thinking skills. So, you don’t want to ask “Did you have fun today?” which will elicit a yes or no answer. Instead say, “How was your day? Tell me about it.”

When children respond to open-ended questions, they gain confidence in their ability to interact with others. They learn to analyze and evaluate what they’ve done and the things they’ve learned. They’re encouraged to respond with creativity and reflection. Even a shy child will begin to open up when asked a question that gets to the heart of his or her thoughts and emotions.

READ MORE: Asking for a friend

How to Ask the Right Question

When our purpose in asking a question is to encourage a conversation, you’ll want to ask at an appropriate time. Often the best time to ask questions is when your child is engaged in a project of some sort. While you may not want to interrupt their thinking, they are more likely to be open to sharing their though processes when they’re actively engaged.

If your purpose in asking a question is to problem solve, you’ll want to avoid “Why did you…” and instead preface your question with “How could you fix it?” or “What are your options now?” This puts the responsibility for coming to a solution on your child and you can guide the thinking to a satisfactory conclusion.

So, again, don’t ask a yes or no question unless you follow up with, “Tell me more.” Here are some question starters that may work for you. Some are actually statements geared to thoughtful answers.

  • Can you describe…?

  • Tell me about…

  • I noticed you…. Can you tell me more?

  • I’m excited to hear about your day. Can you share three things?…

  • How do you think….?

  • How can I help….?

Three ways to Encourage Full Answers

  1. When you ask an open-ended question be sure to allow enough wait time for your child to process the question and formulate an answer.

  2. Use active listening skills: make eye contact, restate their words to help them solidify and extend answers. “I heard you say…” “Did you mean…?” “Are you saying?”
     
  3. Use follow-up responses such as “Tell me more about…” and “What else…?”

Parents who take the time to engage in meaningful conversations with their children are building valuable rapport and trust with them. Rather than feeling bombarded by invasive questions that they don’t want to answer, they’ve been taught all along to share their thoughts, emotions, their “wonderings.”

This invitation to communicate will benefit your child in so many ways; they’ll learn how to gather information, understand how they come to conclusions, extend their vocabulary and their logical thinking skills, know their thoughts are appreciated and gain valuable practice in communication skills that will aid in their learning all throughout life.

Jan Pierce, M.Ed., is a retired teacher and a writer. She is the author of “Homegrown Readers” and “Homegrown Family Fun”. Find Jan at www.janpierce.net.



Other articles by HVP News Reporters


  • Choose to move

    5 ways to help manage osteoarthritis

    Osteoarthritis (OA) is the most common form of arthritis and affects over 32.5 million U.S. adults. OA is a degenerative joint disease that causes pain and stiffness and can lead to limited function. read more »
  • Make these 10 doctor-recommended health resolutions in the new year

    Tips to help you get started

    The New Year is the perfect time to hit the reset button on your health and wellness. Not sure where to start? Doctors say you can make the biggest impact with small, incremental tweaks to your routine. read more »
  • Serve plant-based sweets this holiday season

    Try these dairy free salted caramel cupcakes

    Make this year’s festivities truly memorable by adding a touch of sweetness to holiday celebrations with this delightful combination of fluffy cupcakes, creamy frosting and a heavenly caramel drizzle. read more »
  • A full menu of festive holiday flavor

    From the main dish to dessert

    Cooking up a successful holiday gathering calls for everyone’s favorite recipes. From the centerpiece main dish to fresh salads and appetizers, roasted sides, and baked sweets, you can take seasonal get-togethers up a notch by mixing traditional classics with newfound favorites. read more »
  • Charity scam prevention tips

    How you can tell the difference

    The charitable spirit of New Yorkers is at an all-time high during the holiday season, so this week’s tips are meant to serve as a guide when choosing causes to donate to so donations get to the right place and not in the hands of scammers. read more »
  • A delicious way to support your immune system

    2 recipes your family is going to love

    Bolstering your immune system during winter, when coughs and colds seem to take control, is a must for the entire family. Supporting your wellness can start in a simple place – with the foods you eat and drink. read more »
  • Prevent package thefts during the holiday season

    Tips from the Department of State's Consumer Protection Division

    Tips on how you can protect yourself from thieves that are trying to steal both your holiday packages and your identity. read more »
  • Want to achieve your goals? Write them down

    Meet the newest winner of the G2 Overachievers Grant

    If you have a big idea, goal or dream about helping others, writing down your vision can help. Studies show you’re 42% more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down. read more »
  • The Bear Mountain Ice Rink is opening for the season

    Join them on November 4th for the first skate

    The Palisades Interstate Park Commission is pleased to announce the opening of the Bear Mountain Ice Rink for the 2023/24 season. Join us on November 4th for the first skate at the rink that was voted Best of the Hudson Valley three years running! read more »
  • Kingston Eats Veggies Campaign builds interest in local produce

    Kingston’s Creating Healthy Schools and Communities (CHSC) is piloting “Kingston Eats Veggies,” a vegetable of the month campaign. read more »