For
most, things haven’t been “OK” since March, but social distancing and a world
in disarray can make checking in more challenging. Nevertheless, mental health
professionals offer helpful tips on how to mindfully power through.
From
the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic, we’ve all heard, “We will get through this
together.” Surely we’ve nodded in agreement to that assessment, a foregone
conclusion from the get-go, but of course helpful to repeatedly remind one
another. What we’ve all been learning in real time, however, while we scramble
to keep our own lives afloat, is exactly how
we will get through this together, especially regarding our spouses and kids.
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This
is an unprecedented time, with new, ever evolving – or changing – rules, and deep
uncertainty as a new normal. Yet we want to help. When we suspect a friend,
co-worker, fellow parent, or child is troubled, how do we act on impulses to
reach out, to help someone through?
As
New York Times writer Anna Goldfarb points out, in pre-pandemic times, “when you’re checking in with
someone who’s struggling, you’d have your conversation together in a calm,
private setting. Phones and devices would be silenced and stashed out of sight.
Food and drinks tend to put people at ease, so you’d nosh on snacks or sip a
beverage together, too.”
Those
circumstances are either impossible or much more difficult to arrange. So
Goldfarb very helpfully shares tips from mental health professionals on how to
navigate this new terrain, what to look for, and how to proceed; or, in some
cases, how not to proceed.
READ MORE: Coping, confidence, and coronavirus
Marriage
counselor and family therapist Phoenix Jackson, for instance, advises,
“Personal friends, work colleagues, classmates, and family members all require
different approaches.” She cites the importance of considering the power
dynamics before reaching out and realizing it’s easier for someone to be
vulnerable if you’re on “equal footing.”
Child
psychologist Jena Lee advises one should check one’s self before reaching out. Are
you “in a healthy place” to appropriately handle someone who’s struggling? And
if so, says psychologist Uche Ukuku, make sure you give them the opportunity to
confirm or deny by simply asking. As opposed to saying something like, “You’re
so grumpy,” say, “You seem out of sorts recently, are you OK?”
Other
tips include offering confidentiality, asking open-ended questions, revealing
your own struggles, or not even asking any questions or being preoccupied to
verbally answer when someone opens up.
We’re
definitely all in this together, and luckily, as parents, improvising and
pivoting is part of the job description.
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