Many individuals
in two-parent households have different styles of caregiving. Even in the best of
times, these mom/dad duos – or mom/mom, dad/dad, parent/grandparent, whatever –
raising families under one roof will inevitably experience friction. Accusations
from one parent to another of undermining, “spoiling,” lax safety protocols, and
questionable judgment are not uncommon. With
the Covid-19 Pandemic forcing more families to work from home while caring for
remote learning kids, these conflicts can – and have – become more pronounced.
Dr. Rebecca Schrag Herschberg, writing for PsychologyToday, offers some helpful tips for how to navigate some potentially
intense parenting problems.
As Dr.
Herschberg puts it: “Since [the Covid-19 pandemic], many more adults have
been working from home. Which means many more parents in two-parent families
are seeing exactly how the other one does business – and they don’t always like
what they see.”
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Unfortunately,
the resulting tension comes at a time when children need consistency and
security more than ever. But Dr. Herschberg’s advice is helpful and
hopeful.
Among other
things, she suggests talking about your parenting values. She offers links to a
Values Worksheet.
Ultimately, realizing you’re both coming from the same place, with the same goal
of raising a good kid – can certainly help.
Dr.
Herschberg advises recognizing “root commonality,” in divergent parenting
styles. For example, you both don’t want your child to be addicted to their
iPad, even if you go about dealing with that differently. These talks “can
foster mutual understanding and empathy that sets the stage for more
effective co-parenting.”
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Speaking
in “concrete, actionable terms” is important. How, exactly, will you both move
forward? How can you hold each other accountable in supportive ways? She offers
yet more ACT worksheets.
Acknowledging
that your child’s relationship with your partner is going to look different
from the one they have with you is also important. As Dr. Herschberg puts
it: “Sharing parenting values and agreeing on the steps needed to embody those
values, does not mean the goal is to create two parents who are clones of each
other. You are different people, with distinctive backgrounds, personalities,
and ways of being in the world, and – hopefully and presumably – your child
will be the richer for that.”
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