Even though we’re all adjusting to
various “new normals” of the Covid-19 Pandemic, it’s important for parents in
particular to realize everyone is still living through a crisis. Crisis rules
are different than non-crisis rules, at least in theory. For example, it’s more
okay than ever to not sweat the small stuff, and the small stuff category is
now much bigger.
Recognizing this is crucial,
especially regarding parenting, because it allows all of us to cut ourselves some
slack when we inevitably, and repeatedly, make mistakes or lose patience, responding
badly to stress. No one is getting this exactly right, partly because no one
knows what “exactly right” means.
Writer and editor Catherine Pearson
notes how more than 50
million parents have lost income during the COVID-19 pandemic, while millions
of parents have left their jobs because it’s their “best” option. Those adverse
situations, of course, are on top of life-or-death concerns about one’s own
health, and the health – both physical and mental – of loved ones. And then
there’s the uncertainty of how long we, as a collective, will be dealing with
all of this. No one can give an answer on that.
READ MORE: The isolation of pandemic parenting is unprecedented
This is all very stressful,
especially for someone tasked with raising a child. And all of it is
transpiring against a backdrop of the most divisive election in recent memory
and the pervasiveness of social media bringing us the Big, the Bad and the
Ugly. The latter is inherently competitive and deceitful, leading parents to
believe others have a better handle on things because that’s what their social
media feed communicates.
Pearson has some good advice from
psychologist Claire Nicogossian, clinical assistant professor at Brown
University and author of Mama, You
Are Enough: How to Create Calm, Joy and Confidence Within the Chaos of
Motherhood – about how parents can go easier on themselves, in pandemic
times and otherwise.
READ MORE: Coping, confidence, and coronavirus
When advising parents to go easy on
themselves, Nicogossian uses this metaphor: If you were swimming in an ocean
and knew there were sharks all around you, you wouldn’t pause and ask
yourself: Am I good swimmer? Am I doing this right? You’d put
your head down and swim. You’d do what you needed to do to stay safe.
Additionally, she advises to carve
out five minutes a day to give undivided attention, and to be more
contemplative about why certain things cause self-critical feelings.
Ultimately, she strongly supports giving one’s self a pat on the back for any
small victory.
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